Sexual abuse, bullying and ritual abuse - reaction from therapist

Polyfractal

Learning
I have been sexually abused from birth until age 18.
I was raped on a daily basis underground by multiple perpetrators. I have been splitting myself into fragments exponentially, because of the repetitive severe abuse. I had amnesia for 2 decades and then I started to know my DID alters, introducing themselves to me, including their trauma histories.

I have been bullied at school every year for 15 years.
I have been changing school every 1-2 years and the same trauma still occurred to me, I guess I am prone to more abuse, because I have been abused. There were years where I have been bullied by the entire class. I had both physical and psychological abuse. I was so traumatized that I needed to hide in the school's toilet during break times.

I have been ritually abused for 12 years.
I have been through satanic ritual abuse, mind control and programming. It is related to the church, religion and Christianity. I had gone through secondary traumas as well, witnessing unending horrors in the underground, there were murders, deaths and cannibalism. I often have life-threatening death threats from the abusers.

Q: I told my trauma history to my clinical psychologist and I felt I didn't received the compassion/ sympathy/ empathy that it deserves from her, what should I do? For example, she could have said "what you have been through is tough" or "I am sorry that you have gone through so much".
 
That is terrible what you went through, and I hope writing it out here helped.

I'm also sorry you didn't get what you needed from your psychologist. There are lots of different treatment protocols, as well as lots of different personalities, and some treatments and people just won't be a good fit.
 

Polyfractal

Learning
You have had it rough! It’s amazing you are here and able to talk about it some.

I’m wondering what kind of a response did she give you? Did she acknowledge what you’ve been through?
She just dropped down notes recording what I said and asked questions about my trauma history. I remember on the first session with her, she said that my case is "complex"? She said she needed to find a supervisor to guide her, although she is already a clinical psychologist, which is more qualified than general.
 

Sideways

Moderator
what should I do?
Talk to her about it. Specifically:
that it deserves from her
the issue of "how much sympathy" trauma deserves. That's definitely something worth picking apart with your T.

My opinion? Once acknowledged, my trauma needs (never mind deserves!) very little sympathy from my T. That's not why I'm there, and directs the conversation to how my T feels about my trauma, which is almost irrelevant to me and my recovery.
 

whiteraven

MyPTSD Pro
although she is already a clinical psychologist, which is more qualified than general.
Not all psychologists can handle all types of issues. Some only deal with depression and anxiety and never treat issues related to trauma. Some have only used certain therapies, not all of which are useful for trauma. I think it's good that she is reaching out for guidance!
 

Charbella

MyPTSD Pro
Is your psychologist a trauma specialist?

Some people want different things when they talk about their abuse. I specifically told my T that too much sympathy would anger me, so he doesn’t react a ton AND when he has something that might come across as sympathetic he delivers it in a voice I can handle. I just can’t hear anything in that you poor thing delivery system, the same goes for too much shock. I NEEDED him to pretend I’d told him the time or that I like milk more anything.

So I guess my point is that just like our Ts don’t know our histories we don’t know theirs. I’m sure he’ll be more cautious with the next person because of how he’s had to handle mine. But also if you aren’t getting what you need let your T know, that’s what they’re there for. I’m a no touch, no matter how mundane, no sympathy, no bull kind of person, if my T couldn’t handle that I’d have found a new one.
 

Polyfractal

Learning
Is your psychologist a trauma specialist?

Some people want different things when they talk about their abuse. I specifically told my T that too much sympathy would anger me, so he doesn’t react a ton AND when he has something that might come across as sympathetic he delivers it in a voice I can handle. I just can’t hear anything in that you poor thing delivery system, the same goes for too much shock. I NEEDED him to pretend I’d told him the time or that I like milk more anything.

So I guess my point is that just like our Ts don’t know our histories we don’t know theirs. I’m sure he’ll be more cautious with the next person because of how he’s had to handle mine. But also if you aren’t getting what you need let your T know, that’s what they’re there for. I’m a no touch, no matter how mundane, no sympathy, no bull kind of person, if my T couldn’t handle that I’d have found a new one.
I saw her online profile saying that she has an interest in trauma. She also can do EMDR.
 

Polyfractal

Learning
I’d advise finding someone who either specializes in DID or in trauma. Being able to do EMDR and having an interest in trauma may not be enough experience for someone with your past.
I actually have seen a general psychologist beforehand and she told me she is inexperienced to handle my case, so she recommended me to see this clinical psychologist that I have described to you. But with this clinical psychologist, she said my case is "complex" and that she needs a supervisor to guide her during therapy. To find a therapist who specializes in DID is difficult. I have once seen a general psychologist who specializes in DID and trauma, but unfortunately, I got sexually abused during therapy, especially when my child alters front. I will see my clinical psychologist for the third time on Jan 9, I will observe for a while first, if she is not a good fit, I will have to find another psychologist who specializes in DID and trauma.
 

Sideways

Moderator
I’d advise finding someone who either specializes in DID or in trauma. Being able to do EMDR and having an interest in trauma may not be enough experience for someone with your past.
Short of switching to a psychiatrist who specifically in trauma (which is going to be a significant price hike), this is typical of trauma specialists in some places, like here Australia.

For example, here, I'm not aware of any psychologists who practice EMDR who aren't trauma specialists here, because of the price structure for psychologists. They may exist, but they'd be rare as hens teeth.

IME, here in Australia, a practitioner who specialises in EMDR and advertises an 'interest' in trauma is as "trauma specialist" as psychologists get.

DID is a seperate conversation. That's more a political divide in the industry, and usually only be ascertained by a conversation with the practitioner.

I'm sure it varies depending on where you are in the world.

I will have to find another psychologist who specializes in DID and trauma.
The alternative, depending on where you are in the world, is to find the private mental health hospitals in your state with Trauma units. That's often where the specialists in complex trauma and dissociative disorders usually practice from.
 
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Polyfractal

Learning
The alternative, if you can make private hospital cover work, is to find the private mental health hospitals in your state with Trauma units. A few states now have these, and that's where the specialists in complex trauma and dissociative disorders usually practice from.
Thanks for the advice. I have been recommended to Spectrum, located in Richmond. I was told that they are free trauma specialists. I live in Australia, Melbourne. I also am on a waiting list with ECASA (eastern center against sexual assault), it would be ready by March 2023. They are trauma specialists also, but only specialize in sexual traumas, I not only have sexual traumas, but also bullying traumas, so I am not sure whether they would help me with multiple types of traumas.
 
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