coraxxx
Policy Enforcement
Well for having spoken with my male friends about it… there is an aspect of protection that is sometimes awfully close to possession, and a lot of self-image that is implicated in doing exterior things to provide for the interior things, but not looking after the interior things themselves. There is a sort of threshold of providence and social and professional competence to reach as to materially provide, and that threshold will serve to define a male image of success.This is sticking with me for some reason. I like to believe that boys and men are socialized to be nurturing. And I hadn’t thought about the connection between worry and nurture. And the thought that men in general aren’t socialized to do those things in Western society… is… uncomfortable… but also illuminating. I still think they are socialized to be protectors. Which leads me to wonder about protecting without nurturing… what that looks like, sounds like, feels like.
Please ignore if this is hijacking the thread.
On the other hand, it’s not something very acknowledged to go past that threshold and be, let’s say, nurturing and caring and washing the dishes and vacuuming the carpets and ironing clothes. It’s not that it’s necessarily bad (albeit I’ve seen many dudes finding it offensive to have to care for these things), but it doesn’t receive as much positive feedback and incentive as having some high paying job.
I know many guys whose character and personality is much more driven towards house things, decoration and emotions, but really do get backlashed by their peers and also women. They feel shame for liking colourful socks, plushy clothes and cakes, and end up doing it almost covertly. This goes as well for the big or casual talks about emotions and crying. Because ah, also, it could be GAY. So not fitting that image can be rather complex, and a real problem. Many motivations to actively avoid being nurturing, and I feel many men have a quick sense of panic when stuff gets emotional not because they cannot understand emotions, but because somewhere, it causes this social cognitive dissonance. And it also gets in the way of self-understanding and personal comfort in life.
At least being a woman in a very sexist society such as in Brazil, being intellectually incompetent by default at least gives a certain freedom of thinking. What I did think or not didn’t matter, as long as I had enough theory of mind to give society what it wanted; you can give a void image without having to actually embody it. The traditional passivity cuts you some mental slack. You don’t have to actively be anything. A man has to be successful. A woman is expected to fail. I’m barely exaggerating. I think it’s visible how the two positions really are problematic.