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Sexual Assault Sexual Advances At Work

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Nicolette has great boobs, and quite honestly I encourage her to wear clothes that show the cleavage and such when we go out... though I do say she does like to also feel sexy, but often drags herself backwards with the misconception that it's wrong for her to feel sexy because of how males may react. So I encourage sexy from her when we go out. She obviously doesn't have cleavage out when working with her clients... as that is all bad from a business perspective for her, especially as most of her clients are married men, and its not the men, but the wives that if seen may then push them towards employing a different company... so I get that. Smart business is essential obviously...

Sexy is what female is about... some jobs are employed on the basis of sexy, ie. a secretary that is the first point of call into a company, is usually young and sexy, the top few buttons are undone, also fashion... it about image and looks when a prospective client walks in the door / client in general walks in the door.

Does any of that though say, "hey, I'm cheap or you can treat me like crap?" Not a chance in hell. Sure, single guys often hit on sexy women, though no doubt women are also used to it and reject it to those not interested in. When a guy keeps going, when a guy touches or begins demeaning... that is then a reflection of them, not the female in question... usually because they failed, they think that being demeaning and disrespectful increases them as a man. Its that male image, macho crap... some get carried away with it. The obvious worst end of the scale is those males who then think its acceptable for them to just take (rape, abuse, etc). Again, not the females fault.

End result: kick em in the nuts and tell them, no means no...
 
Unfortunately, Anthony, there's only one flaw to what you said... If it gates to the point of them 'taking', kicking them in the nuts won't do you any good. And if it get to that point, it's usually the female that carries the burden, not the so called macho.
 
True... sometimes. I have had plenty of females tell me they got to that point and kicked them in the nuts, gouged their eyes, got one good punch in to distract them, etc... and got away. Then there are those who did those things and couldn't get away, then there are those who's body simply goes into the brains defensive mode, freeze.

All I could say is that none of the above are wrong from the perspective of the person being abused, and 100% of blame always lay upon the abuser, not the abusee.
 
You seem to know alot about these flight or fight/freeze modes. Tell me, is this behaviour that can be changed? Can a 'freezer' educate oneself to become a 'fighter'?
 
You can change your instinctive behaviour, yes. Military training does exactly this, being that normal instinctive behaviour is to freeze or flight in danger, but such instincts are useless to the military, because they need you to go towards the danger, to suppress it, to counter it, but also identify if your going towards a losing battle, to flight.

You change your actual behaviour via exposure therapy, which means the act of doing. Types of adventure training are exposure therapy, ie. if you are frightened of jumping from a plane, then you should book a tandem skydive one day to show yourself that you can actually do it, regardless the fear you feel and your brains natural response telling you its not normal to jump out of a perfectly good airplane, the other side to that argument is that you have two parachutes attached, being the main and a backup, both with next to little chance of failing. Use facts, use someone pushing you through it regardless of your actions to back away... this is exposure therapy and it changes your brains instinctive mechanism for fight, flight and freeze. This is why a veteran will normally go towards danger, not away from it, because by seeing what is coming you can act. By freezing you are screwed, by running you can't see what is going on.

Military training is not instinctive until you have deployed and used the training. Your brain won't fully comprehend and apply it unless it has been used and proven. This is why a soldier who has never used their training will revert quite quickly to civilian behaviour, but a veteran can't, because that training has saved their life, their mates life.

This is why I say... whether it be climbing an indoor wall, jumping from a plane, holding a snake at the zoo, etc... until you DO it, your brain cannot change its natural behaviour.
 
Ok, makes sense. But does jumping from a plane help me go into fight mode whatever the circumstances? I mean, does facing one fear help you with facing the others or do you need to train/work on a specific fear?
 
Each fear is unique, however; the application to build self esteem / change your fight / flight / freeze response works across the board. Example... military training they train you in life like scenarios, so they use simulation grenades, flash bangs, blank rounds, etc, to simulate real environments. They do this so that when you hear such noises, you instinctively react, ie. when a round goes off your taught to run, down, crawl, observe, aim, fire. When you see a veteran suddenly hit the deck upon a loud noise, this is why. Because it is repetitive training, over and over, when a loud noise (rifle fire) is heard, you immediately respond. Your brain changes to do this. When you put this into action by deploying into a war zone, you find it saves your life and you come home. So now your brain has changed this training via exposure, to instinctively respond to run, down, crawl, observe, aim, fire, upon rifle shot. Car backfires, can sound similar. Explosions, etc... same response, and also to go towards the danger, not away from it.

You learn something in theory, then you put it into practice in the most extreme manner possible to really nail it home.

Militaries around the world use adventure training forms to instill confidence, which build self esteem. Such as abseiling down a perfectly good mountain and putting your life in the trust of the rope, the person at the bottom, the person who tied the rope, etc. Same as parachuting, you put your trust in a lot of things that could go wrong, but you put your trust in them none the less. This is self esteem building, because if you fear it, then you accomplish and achieve it, whilst you may still fear it, you know you can do it.

Like war... anyone who says they don't feel fear in war is a liar, because everyone does. But training dictates to fight past that fear, to even use the fear, and turn it into aggression and anger, then unleash it upon your enemy. Problem once again... they teach soldiers this, but then struggle to control this in peacetime, hence soldiers fighting in bars, drunkenness, etc, as alcohol is a form of suppressant to assist keeping a soldier in control. Deploy, they remove alcohol to unleash aggression.

So to change your fight / flight / freeze mechanism, is to first learn in theory the purpose, then to put that into action. Martial arts instills defense with attack, but always defense first. This type of repetitive training changes these same responses, because instead of shifting into freeze, you shift into flight / fight, being defensive and only aggressive if need be, and it assists to remove freeze by teaching the brain to look at the situation and then perform set actions based on what the brain interprets. This is why many people leave martial arts mid stream, because they find its the same thing over and over, what you really learn at beginner level, nothing much changes through to black belt, but the difference is repetition which instills the skill to accomplish with the least chance possible of getting it wrong or hurting yourself. Anyone can kick or punch someone, but to make it effective and not hurt yourself, or lessen your own injuries, is a skill that is learnt, then done. Martial arts is a very good form of self esteem building and model to change fight / flight / freeze, as the instructor will teach you in theory in conjunction with doing.
 
My work has scheduled me for the night shift tonight for some reason. I have to work with the manager that grabbed me. He's why I went to a different shift in the first place.

I feel a little nervous about it, but plan to speak up if anything happens. Wish me luck.
 
Good luck. And remember this: they only know how scared you are when you show it. Show confidence and speak up and he will have to back off. If anything, take Anthony's advice: kick him in the nuts.
Take care and stay well.
 
Yep... time to increase your self esteem jadebear... standup for yourself and if he makes advances, touches, etc... kick him in the nuts and report his behaviour to his superiors.
 
My two bits based on experience - don't kick him in the nuts literally & go report him as soon as it happens taking someone with you if possible.
 
I didn't have to work the full shift tonight and I'm glad.

I had to go to the back room, and there he was. I instantly started to feel a panic attack coming on just knowing I would be alone with him. But then, another manager walked in (a woman) and he left. So I didn't have to deal with him at all tonight. And I hope I'm not scheduled that shift again anytime soon.
 
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