This is a little weird. But I guess it's something I want to see if normal or not.
The things that happened where my first sexual experiences.
-I can't ever feel aroused IRL except if the person is of the same age, body type and acts the same way as *cough* and that the situation isn't 100% consentual and believes I'm underage (I'll say that I'm 16 when I'm 18)
-In that situation I'll only feel aroused for 30 secs before dissociating
-I always dissociate every time
-A few hours after sex I will think back on what just happened and it will seem borderline traumatic to me and I'll cry
-I can do it to myself just fine usually
-I almost only have sex with pervy migrant older men, dudes with extreme bdsm kinks, ex felons, semi homeless drug addicts, drug dealers, exc.… almost always drunk and for money, (I feel a strong need to try to put myself out there in that way to hurt myself) of course with no protection and with the end goal of feeling dirty, abused somewhat and a little bruised up. Not for sexual gratification. I can't ever feel that way with someone in flesh
The things that happened where my first sexual experiences.
-I can't ever feel aroused IRL except if the person is of the same age, body type and acts the same way as *cough* and that the situation isn't 100% consentual and believes I'm underage (I'll say that I'm 16 when I'm 18)
-In that situation I'll only feel aroused for 30 secs before dissociating
-I always dissociate every time
-A few hours after sex I will think back on what just happened and it will seem borderline traumatic to me and I'll cry
-I can do it to myself just fine usually
-I almost only have sex with pervy migrant older men, dudes with extreme bdsm kinks, ex felons, semi homeless drug addicts, drug dealers, exc.… almost always drunk and for money, (I feel a strong need to try to put myself out there in that way to hurt myself) of course with no protection and with the end goal of feeling dirty, abused somewhat and a little bruised up. Not for sexual gratification. I can't ever feel that way with someone in flesh