sexual self harm?

ghost404

New Here
i have a few extreme kinks, one of them including knife play and cutting. i get aroused at the thought of harming myself, though have never gone as far as to relapse for it. if it's in a sexual context, can it still be considered self harm? why do feelings of immense anxiety and self harm desires link themselves to sexual desire?
 

whiteraven

Not Active
If you mean cutting yourself in private areas, yes...that is self-harm. I had an insider/part that used to do that. It's very dangerous. I'm very sorry you are also dealing with it.

Are you seeing a therapist? The reasons we do or think about this can be numerous and it would be good if you could talk about it with him/her. I know how hard that is, but I hope you can find a way.
 

Sideways

Sponsor
if it's in a sexual context, can it still be considered self harm?
Absolutely. There are folks here (waving my hand!) who have these sorts of SH. And I use talk to my T about it using SH language, having already disclosed what exactly I'm doing. That's mostly because of the immense shame I feel associated with it.

I think it's possible (and common) for people to have a history of sexual abuse in particular, and still manage and enjoy kinky play.

But there are definitely some of us who use it as a form of SH, including (for example) to alleviate distress, and get the addictive dopamine rush associated with the behaviour causing it to be as addictive as other forms of SH.

One of the big issues for me in the past? Has essentially been using kink as SH, and in the process, retraumatising myself, and setting my recovery back in a big way. Which is good motivation to find other coping strategies.
why do feelings of immense anxiety and self harm desires link themselves to sexual desire?
For me? Because sexual arousal only existed in the context of immense anxiety, self-depreciation and personal harm during my development
 

kirbs

New Here
I feel if it is linked to some previous bad sexual experience you've had somehow it may be harmful to enact on that kind of hurt you carry with you. If you don't have any negative associations with sex/self harm it may be a different story, but I'd still thread carefully, a kink is ok as long as it comes from a place of genuine positive arousement and not bad memories that are being re-enacted in some way. All that being said, I've never experienced sexual abuse so cannot fully speak for that, but I have a history of self harm and it is a tricky thing that can rear its head in unsuspecting ways.
 

sickfaery

Learning
i have a few extreme kinks, one of them including knife play and cutting. i get aroused at the thought of harming myself, though have never gone as far as to relapse for it. if it's in a sexual context, can it still be considered self harm? why do feelings of immense anxiety and self harm desires link themselves to sexual desire?

i mean depends if it's just purely sexual, or if it's like both kinda or something else. if you've had sexual trauma it's probs half that imo

like me pers i also have like pretty intense 'kinks' (i mean idk if they're really kinks or just like some weird trauma reaction thing) but i know they're def at least partially to do with me trying to hurt myself mentally & physically and like put myself back in that kinda state. so i mean idk
 
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