(sexual) self-love after childhood sexual abuse - any suggestions?

I've been working on building intimacy with my partner, who I cannot have penetrative sex with due to re-experiencing my trauma, getting flashbacks, panicking or shutting down. It's been really challenging, and I'm losing interest in intimacy altogether, possibly because it's consistently re-triggering. I can't even remember a positive sexual intimate moment we've had in the past...year maybe? Of course it doesn't help that I'm now doing PTSD treatment 2x/week. But intimacy is still important to me, and I don't want to put things on hold till I'm "better" (whenever that may be).

So - I thought it's time to actively practice sexual self-love on my own. I think I need help though - I've been researching non-penetrative sex toys so far, but getting overwhelmed. If anyone on this forum can relate and can share resources (or toys or books) that helped them rediscover their own bodies / pleasure etc., or that helped them appreciate intimacy with their partners after trauma, I'm listening!
 
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