Sufferer Sharing my story & looking for connections

SonoranBear

New Here
Thank you everyone for sharing. I realize I have not yet shared as I am new. Showing up to read and feel has been very healing for me during the last month and I want each person to know how much their story helps. In my 60s, despite working on this since I was 24, it still takes courage to show up and acknowledge truth and to feel it. Thank you for helping me by being so real with your own story.

My parents have passed away. In my 40s I was given a huge gift of clarity into the truth about their behaviors. Due to difficult finances I moved back in with my parents for about a year. This was after being separated from them by the space of a continent for 20 years (my choice). I convinced myself that they had changed because they would never have offered any form of assistance in my past. But moving in as an adult with lots of therapy under my belt allowed me to see quite clearly how crazy, abusive, self-absorbed to the point of betrayal and utterly hurtful they were. I felt like I was watching the video from my childhood! Yes. They still did kind things for me, but not one thing offered was given with out gas-lighting the heck out of me despite being 40 years old. As if I had not survived for 20 years without them!

I was watching Patrick Teahan LICSW on Youtube yesterday (CPTSD specialist with great content) and he said something so interesting. He said that he had not met a client who didn't suffer from childhood trauma who did not have perception problems. He believes you could simply define childhood trauma as abuse of perception. I found this very helpful and hope it might help any who struggle with blaming yourself instead of seeing what really happened.

Thank you to everyone for your amazing honesty and kindness in sharing! It means so much and lifts me out of discouragement when I need it. Most especially it helps with the lonely feeling I am so different from everyone else. In 2016 I went about clearing out of my life - Every. Single. Narcissist. I did not realize that I was living with so many in every part of my life! This was incredibly scary, but helpful and allowed me for the first time to live without being treated badly in some arena of my life. That said, I am just now beginning to feel I might trust enough to be open to some high-quality friendships. Meeting here to hear your stories is my first step and I am grateful for you being here. Thank you for letting me post such a long note.
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
hello sonoran bear. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

should i go completely off topic and fess up that your user name reminded me that it has been a goodly while since i have checked in on the bears of the sonoran desert. i did a HUGE portion of my anger channeling therapy in the sonoran desert of west texas and never once saw a bear or sign of a bear, though i was assured by several park rangers, etc., that efforts were in play to rescue them from extinction. my mini surf says there has been progress in that camp.

anyhoo. . . getting back on topic. . .

i'm 68 and had my first official therapy session when i was 18 and living in the u.s. throw-away kid camps. i'm still not ^over it^, but a daily inventory helps keep the symptoms manageable. safe places such as this one are one of the corner posts of those daily inventories. i hope it serves you as well as it serves me.

welcome aboard.
 

LadyResolute

New Here
Thank you everyone for sharing. I realize I have not yet shared as I am new. Showing up to read and feel has been very healing for me during the last month and I want each person to know how much their story helps. In my 60s, despite working on this since I was 24, it still takes courage to show up and acknowledge truth and to feel it. Thank you for helping me by being so real with your own story.

My parents have passed away. In my 40s I was given a huge gift of clarity into the truth about their behaviors. Due to difficult finances I moved back in with my parents for about a year. This was after being separated from them by the space of a continent for 20 years (my choice). I convinced myself that they had changed because they would never have offered any form of assistance in my past. But moving in as an adult with lots of therapy under my belt allowed me to see quite clearly how crazy, abusive, self-absorbed to the point of betrayal and utterly hurtful they were. I felt like I was watching the video from my childhood! Yes. They still did kind things for me, but not one thing offered was given with out gas-lighting the heck out of me despite being 40 years old. As if I had not survived for 20 years without them!

I was watching Patrick Teahan LICSW on Youtube yesterday (CPTSD specialist with great content) and he said something so interesting. He said that he had not met a client who didn't suffer from childhood trauma who did not have perception problems. He believes you could simply define childhood trauma as abuse of perception. I found this very helpful and hope it might help any who struggle with blaming yourself instead of seeing what really happened.

Thank you to everyone for your amazing honesty and kindness in sharing! It means so much and lifts me out of discouragement when I need it. Most especially it helps with the lonely feeling I am so different from everyone else. In 2016 I went about clearing out of my life - Every. Single. Narcissist. I did not realize that I was living with so many in every part of my life! This was incredibly scary, but helpful and allowed me for the first time to live without being treated badly in some arena of my life. That said, I am just now beginning to feel I might trust enough to be open to some high-quality friendships. Meeting here to hear your stories is my first step and I am grateful for you being here. Thank you for letting me post such a long note.
I too am hoping to do the same thing. Find safe place to share, and safe relationships. Very tired of narcissistic people causing more pain. FOO ( families of origin) was more then enough to deal with. Could really use a break.
 
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