Should I have stayed?

D

Dandelion56

We met online last year and we couldn't meet since we live in different countries. Him and I connected quite fast and liked each other a lot. He told me about his PTSD at the very beginning, which I knew nothing about at first. I read about it to know more. He also said it was better then as he had been seeing a therapist and taking meds.

He had his first episode in about 2 months. He switched from being super caring and affectionate to distant and cold. Having some abandonment fears myself, I took it VERY personally and started feeling frustrated and thought maybe I'm not good enough for him. But since I read about PTSD, I knew it wasn't about me, so I never said a word to him. Instead I tried to be supportive and not pressure him. I always told him I'm there for him but never asked to talk to me or answer my questions. After the episode ended he said I was a huge support for him and started saying I was a pillar of his life.

But even when he was in a good place, he still often ignored me, played PC games with his online friends, which led me to believe I was more of a convenience to him. Also he'd always be extra sweet to me after ignoring the previous day, and after a while I realized he wasn't actually apologizing, since it turned into a pattern (ignoring first - being extra sweet after - ignoring again). I told him how I felt when he ignored me to play games, and he said he'd change his ways.

We once talked about kids, and he said if I got pregnant before he wanted me to, I'd have to go back to my country (since he supports abortion, and I don't). I couldn't believe he said that after all the other things he said to me. But I still stayed because I didn't want to see the truth.

In the end, his ignoring, playing PC games literally most of the time and the kids thing overwhelmed me, and I left. He never responded to any of my messages and just erased me from his life. I tried hard to get closure but apparently I didn't.

I guess I'm writing here to get it out of my mind and hear someone's opinion on things, since I've never talked to anyone about it.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
But I still stayed because I didn't want to see the truth.
^^ this. Sounds like this relationship was mostly about your wishes and desires for what you wanted in a relationship, rather than what this relationship offered

So you made an excellent decision to end it.

You have the loss of this relationship, and your desired one, to overcome.
But great news is: life is full of possibilities and who knows what wonders and excitement there are around the corner for you?

Are there things about this relationship that you can learn from in terms of yourself that you can bring into future relationships?

Closure can't always happen with the other person. But it can happen within yourself.
 
D

Dandelion56

Thank you to both of your for replies, you're absolutely right.

I didn't have my head in the cloud and I know that online communication and real life are two different things. We were planning to meet as soon as covid situation would get better.


Are there things about this relationship that you can learn from in terms of yourself that you can bring into future relationships?
I did learn a lot from this experience both about myself and communication in general.

I just sometimes go back to this story and wonder whether I should have done anything else. But you guys have a good point, thanks once again for your kind support :)
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
does "virtual" still mean "almost?"

you can't stay where you never really arrived. what are the odds of your ever meeting this person in real time?
 
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