• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

Should I stay or should I go now???

Not open for further replies.


Tomorrow night is my nephew’s wedding. The one I won’t be attending bc his father was my abuser as a kid.

Problem is tonight. Tonight (now), is another nephew’s engagement party.and I can’t seem to get ready and go bc I’m already stuck in my dear for tomorrow’s wedding.

Would of been nice if my siblings (they all know) had gotten together and, As a group, helped me get to the engagement party. That feels shitty.

Just screw it, yeah? I can’t keep kicking myself for this shit.
No you can't. For all the things I missed in my life because of PTSD, I know why now.

It is. Two little words that just say theres nothing but what there is and if you can't you can't, and if you can you can. Its just how it is.
Would of been nice if my siblings (they all know) had gotten together and, As a group, helped me get to the engagement party. That feels shitty.
Wow. That’s wicked cool that the dynamic in your family leads you to expect that to such a degree you’re hurt when they don’t.
Agree with Friday. It really sounds to me like you want them to read your mind. Next time maybe you can ask for what you need from them using words.
I hope things went ok, however they went.

I just wanted to say that sometimes what you're describing IS the family dynamic. In my extended family, I've had it happen that an event was scheduled for a place I wasn't willing to go (because of whose place it was). I explained to a few of my cousins why I wasn't willing to go there, but that I'd love to see the rest of them, "could we get together before or after the event without the person I don't wish to deal with?". The answer was that they couldn't promise he wouldn't come. So I stayed home. I really like these people and would like to see them. I don't think they're mean, I think they just don't get what the past events meant to me. I mean, really, they don't get it. They weren't abused, they don't have PTSD, they probably think they understand, but they don't. When I've discussed the situation with my T, he said he wasn't going to tell me what to do, but he didn't see where any good would come from going and having to deal with the person in question.

To be clear, I've told these cousins about the abuse. In the way of an apology for skipping years of weddings and funeral and family reunions. They all seemed to believe me and to understand. At least as well as the average person does. They seemed sympathetic too. All in all, it was a difficult conversation but I'm glad to have had the conversations. I made it clear that me avoiding him is going to continue. (Short of some kind of apology and acknowledgement from him & I'm not holding my breath waiting for that.) They seemed to understand that as well. The thing is, they all live close to each other. I don't. They have reasons to deal with him now and then. I don't. They have a choice to make, based on their own lives and understanding. They made it. I think that's pretty much the end of the story. I can regret it as much as I want, but I can't change it.

I don't think this sort of thing is fair, by any means, but nothing ever said the world is going to be fair. If your siblings understand the situation and know how you feel and what it would take for you to participate and they aren't willing to help, I think what that means is they aren't willing to help and you're on your own. There are the biological families we're born into and then there are the "families" we put together as we move through life. I think we're better off with those intentional families. (Which CAN include people we're biologically related to too.)
Not open for further replies.