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Should i use my loan?

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Muttly

MyPTSD Pro
Ok, the first two paragraphs are context, but if you don't want to read all that skip to the last paragraph. ...So yesterday, I was feeling really suicidal. One of the stresses (but not the only one) is financial. I don't think I can pay my bills this month. I don't think I have enough money to renew my business license. The business is my dream. The business will take another few years to be fully going, but it is possible. Six weeks ago, I bruised a bone, tore my meniscus and just generally messed up my knee. That impacting my ability to work is the biggest impact to my finances. When I decided to try do my business I said, it would work if nothing major went wrong. Heh, I had a bad bout of bronchitis with the flu, another bad bout of bronchitis, I tore ligaments in my thumb and that all cost me money in medical bills. I was still going. Then the knee happened. Also got scammed by an advertising company.

I talked to a crisis line yesterday. The only help the crisis line (they sucked) was give me a phone number so I can possibly get the cost of my utilities discounted due to finances. I probably should have called that today. Or figured out my bills. About the only thing I figured out is I had an unexpected charge on my card (advertising scam) so I am more broke than I thought. I mean, to be fair, I did two pet jobs today, went to PT and took my roommate to the dr and pharmacy so I haven't been sitting on my ass. But any time I think about doing anything more, I start to melt in a big way. Except I can't keep not dealing wiht my bills. I think at least one is late and there is enough money to cover that. I just can't deal. I should also cancel that card, the advertiser keeps using and figured out if I can fight it.

Yesterday, all my thoughts were about dying. today I am trying to be proactive. I had a thought about the money, but I don't trust my thinking. I have an equity loan. I still have some money I can take out on that. I don't really want to and there's all sorts of repiars that need to be done, which is where the loan should go if I'm going to use it. But what if I take some out, so I can pay this months bills and maybe part of next months, so I have some space to think. Because I know they are all due now or in the next month for this month which has added to the urgency of the situation. And if I get stuff sorted or don't need it, I can also pay what I took out back. (of course, there would be interest) Or am I just creating more troubles.
 
There's another way to do it, but I just can't. I could ask N for a loan. She may not be birth family but she is family. She is my sister in everything but biology. Yesterday, I was thinking how awful it would have been for her and all of them, if I had killed myself on Sunday, without asking her for help. I mean, they'd maybe even just give me the money. But I can't.

I was researching disability benefits but the only way I could do that is to lose my business and then it wont give me enough to dig out of tthis whole. at least I managed to do one functional thing

meanwhile I should be going to the job that pays the bills. like leaving now. blah.
 
Hi there Mutely
You might try calling a credit concealing service I think they are free and maybe able to help you figure out the best way to do what you need to do pay those bill's as they are a real weight on your shoulder. It is a tuff spot. I wish you all the best. Be kind to yourself and get so help from one of the sources you mentioned or call a credit concealing service. Do something soon before it gets worse for you. Finical troubles are difficult.
Peace be safe
 
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