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Should you bring up suicidal depression your first therapy appointment?

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frogthroat

MyPTSD Pro
Does anyone here get so depressed that they can't get out of bed or clean or cook? Does anyone get so depressed they have irrational thoughts or hear voices when they're between sleep and waking? I'm always moderately depressed but lately I feel a depression that feels like someone close has died. I feel physically exhausted and even sometimes ill. I can't sleep but I'm too tired to really do anything. I have zero interest in anything even in people and things I love. My nightmares are horrid. All I think about is my trauma even when I try to do other things I can't seem to get focused on anything else. I can't settle down. I'm agitated and almost inconsolable. I have a hard time not bursting into tears at various moments of the day which is embarrassing.
I did something I've never done before last week. I went to work, came home, and fell asleep, and then woke up the next day and went to work in the same clothes. That really actually worries me.
As a teenager I was diagnosed with PTSD and psychotic depression. I was recently re-diagnosed with still having PTSD which would make sense because it was never treated. I know I'm in flashback hell but I'm worried. Is this something you bring up your first therapy session? It feels almost like an emergency. I think about suicide and death all the time. In fact, I'm obsessed with death which I don't like. There are moments I know that I feel so hopeless and had the means I don't know if I'd be able to control myself. Should I bring this up? If I do what do I say? I think maybe I need to go on meds for awhile until I learn how to handle things better. I just feel really uneasy, unsafe, and just deeply disturbed and sad.
 
I have been so depressed before that I had to take a leave of absence from my job because I couldn't get out of bed. I had to put signs on my ceiling encouraging to me to do so.

I would say, yes, you bring it up in your first therapy session. Your T needs to know that you're deep in the hole, and that you need some help climbing out. And s/he needs to help you create a plan to get you out of the hole.
 
That's horrible. I guess mine is manifesting in different ways like I'm a grown ass woman and I'm afraid of my abuser of being in my closet when I go to hang up clothes and I'm actually afraid of the dark suddenly. I lock my bedroom door at night like I'm ten. I'm terrified of nothing. I'm not sure if I have a mental illness beyond the severe depression and PTSD at this point or if I've just been so irresponsible in handling it that it's just progressed to this point of anguish. I put clothes in the dryer and everytime it makes a sound I get freaked out like someone's in my apartment. It's just stupid and sad.
 
it doesn’t sound to me like you have anything “beyond” ptsd. That is, it sounds like you have symptomatic ptsd.
Well, that makes me feel better somewhat. It really did get super bad at the last couple weeks after something happened at work that reminded me of my sadist. Well...everything reminds me of him but this was sexual and it was like my mind exploded. So that makes sense.
 
hear voices when they're between sleep and waking?
This part at least is a completely normal phenomenon that has nothing to do with mental illness. It is called hypnagogic hallucinations. 1 in 4 people experience voices as they are just about to fall asleep. Most common is hearing your name called. The more exhausted you are the more likely it is to happen.

I started with a new T a few months ago and I brought it up at the first appointment but now I am wishing I hadn't because I feel it has clouded my T's vision concerning other symptoms. If the other symptoms were addressed I wouldn't have had so much S.I. SO start of with the symptoms causing it.
 
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