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Sick bc of mental illness

Luigiii

Learning
I’ve been in test week last week. For me that means studying from 5.30 am till 1.30 am while also have (usually 2) exams every schoolday. So it’s fair to say its been rough. Aside from that I also haven’t been eating too well, sure i have a eating disorder but i also get really nauseous from stress. Everything just got too much till at friday night (when i had just finished the last exam) i passed out helping out in the middle of church. I was out for some time and it took long to ‘recover’ so the doctors that were around sounded concerned and told me to go to the hospital which I did. I spent the night there getting tests done. I have some head trauma but no concussion/ brain bleeding or any mayor body shit just pain and constent nausea and dizziness which i got pain killers for. It sucks that my anxiety drives me this insane and my eating disorder shows up when i think Im recovering. Im physically still recovering but it takes my body longer than a healthy person which was expected but unfortunate. Its so unfair that i work so hard for everything and end up dealing with this shit.

I also haven’t gone to my therapists for a while and won’t be for a while. I know i should but it feels ineffecive and I honestly don’t want to go anymore….
 
My entire university career, there was one thing I could count on; the day after finals I’d be home sick in bed for the next week with whatever creeping decrepitude was going around. It was vexing as hell (if scientifically sound; the more the sympathetic nervous system is turned on, the more the immune system via the parasympathetic is turned off // sudden jolting high stress of studying for finals & finishing up major projects would bulldoze any ‘I think I’m starting to come down with something’ symptoms, but the moment the stress notched down? KaBOOM! Snot monster, rag doll, I’b bot feeling bwell ZzzzzzzCOUGHzzZzzzz <groan> can you hamd be da wasser ) …but at least it was predictable!

PTSD Stress-Sick, otoh? Oy vey. The last thing in the world it is, is predictable. As, more than anything, it depends on how high my stress levels both currently are AND have been running… see stress cup… what’s going to tip me over the edge. The straw that broke the camels back, or completely untouched by tremendous pressures.

If not predictable, however, it IS at least predictive. It means I’ve been too hard, for too long, without blowing off stress at the right “intervals” (both frequency & duration).

It sounds like you’re in the middle of the worst of both worlds, at the moment.
 
I’ve been in test week last week. For me that means studying from 5.30 am till 1.30 am while also have (usually 2) exams every schoolday. So it’s fair to say its been rough. Aside from that I also haven’t been eating too well, sure i have a eating disorder but i also get really nauseous from stress. Everything just got too much till at friday night (when i had just finished the last exam) i passed out helping out in the middle of church. I was out for some time and it took long to ‘recover’ so the doctors that were around sounded concerned and told me to go to the hospital which I did. I spent the night there getting tests done. I have some head trauma but no concussion/ brain bleeding or any mayor body shit just pain and constent nausea and dizziness which i got pain killers for. It sucks that my anxiety drives me this insane and my eating disorder shows up when i think Im recovering. Im physically still recovering but it takes my body longer than a healthy person which was expected but unfortunate. Its so unfair that i work so hard for everything and end up dealing with this shit.

I also haven’t gone to my therapists for a while and won’t be for a while. I know i should but it feels ineffecive and I honestly don’t want to go anymore….
I remember my finals when I would study and sometimes even when I’m working at my desk and I get so concentrated on something I hunch over and I was bed ridden for like a week after because my back was hurting so bad I strained it so bad and they gave me muscle relaxers. I’m a very bad test, taker, and a very nervous test taker. So I have issues with my stomach as well. I still when I am stressed out have stomach issues not to the extent that you’re describing, yeah, it was definitely hard. I’m sorry you’re having to go through all of this. I don’t know if this rings true to everyone but my dad always told me when I was in school, work is so much easier than school. He has an MBA worked in corporate job in finance department. And I don’t think I really believed him. I was hopeful, but you know I was like how can Work be harder since this is what I’m doing to be able to get a job, but I work in a big company at corporate HQ. Definitely not at my dad’s level but maybe one day and I can 100% tell you it’s easier. My brother is in a completely different field than me. Just got doctorate in English. And he’s a professor, and he will tell you probably the same thing. I mean they’re still anxiety with work, but no school was on another level and finals was on a completely different level.

Anyway, any type of stress can make you sick physically I’ve had that happen to me on different occasions, and I’ve seen other people have the same issue. I have hypothyroidism and I have rosacea. I was diagnosed with them both after my relationship ended and ended during the pandemic, so I wasn’t going to my doctor regularly for physicals like I should have, but I one hundred percent believe that being in that environment 100% of the time because we lived together triggered that for me. My therapist completely agreed, with the amount of stress that’s on you not just emotionally, but can physically make your body like deteriorate because it can’t keep up with everything.

Like a panic attack I had a full blown one about a month ago and again, this was caused by my anxiety and my triggers and the next day I was so exhausted, my chest hurt, and my body hurt. I thankfully had an appointment with my therapist the following day after my panic attack. She said like your body goes into fight or flight mode during a panic attack and your adrenaline spikes and it’s just wears out your body. I mean I can’t say Word for Word, she’s say it better, but that’s the Takeaway. Now I have anxiety if I’m gonna have another panic attack. What a vicious circle.


So I start going to the therapist after I left my ex, and she was good when I first started like she made me realize I was codependent, and we were in a codependent relationship and that was the first hurdle I had to get over. But she didn’t really specialize in PTSD and that wasn’t something she really knew about and I just started going less and less like I had to cancel an appointment and I never really made another one. It’s because I didn’t feel like I was getting anything out of it, and I didn’t go to another therapist for like a year, thankfully my parents kept saying why don’t you try to another therapist and I found one that specifically specialized in PTSD it was a Random. I just decided one day to google counselor/therapist in my area that specialize in PTSD and I found her and she had great ratings, and there was no wait list. And she is amazing and she’s helped me so much. I’m glad I decided to Google it that day and decided to give it another chance some therapist you click with and some you don’t that’s just how it goes in the past before I was with my ex, and had PTSD, I went therapist for my dyslexia and ADHD. And I had gone to different ones on and off for a few years and the first two I just didn’t click with at all and I got a new position at my work and I was feeling stressed and I thought well maybe I’ll try therapy one more time so I found someone online and I thought OK if we don’t like I just won’t go more I won’t kill me to try it. But oh my gosh I he was so great. He was one of the best therapists I’ve ever been to, and I have kept going to him until he retired. I still use his advice to this day and when I’m talking to my new therapist, so I really like sometimes I owe my old therapist told me this blah blah blah and she’s agree with everything I’ve said when I mentioned him.

I don’t see any downside to going you know if you don’t like it you can just stop or look for someone else, but there’s a huge upside if you find someone you connect with and can get help. You just have to be really honest and it was really hard for me at first and I slowly opened up, but I did, and it worked out great.

If anything sounds weird, it may be because I used voice to text. I thought I caught all my mistakes but I could’ve missed some.
 
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