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Sick of being ill

Discussion in 'Medical' started by brat17, May 12, 2018.

  1. brat17

    brat17 I'm a VIP

    I know that early childhood trauma and ptsd cause many illnesses, and many that I have are related. My ptsd symptoms have been getting better over the past couple years but my health problems have worsened. (fibromyalgia, irritable bowel syndrome, headaches, myofacial pain, disc and muscular pain, weakness, fatigue, gastro issues)

    I have become a bit more peaceful in my life through therapy and hard work, but wonder if it is coming out in physical symptoms. I am so exhausted all of the time. I use to have some seasonal affective stuff, but now summers are no better. I socialize some and find humor much more than I was able to in the past. I take things less serious.

    Sleep is still an issue and I have to take xanax to sleep. This makes me pretty unreliable.

    Its very frustrating to feel bad and exhausted most of the time.
    KwanYingirl, Ronin, hodge and 6 others like this.
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  3. Abstract

    Abstract I'm a VIP Premium Member

    Sorry to hear that brat. :( Do you think you are avoiding some of the trauma processing and it is coming out in somatic form? Sometimes physical ailments just get worse for unrelated reasons.

    I have to say I relate to a lot of what you wrote.
    KwanYingirl, shimmerz, hodge and 4 others like this.
  4. Still Standing

    Still Standing I'm a VIP

    @brat17, I am sorry that you deal with so many health issues. It is exhausting at times and it is discouraging but, in order to enjoy your life, as you probably already know, you adjust and go. I joke that my social life is with medical personnel! It is who I see most in life, so I make the best of it! But there are days that the pain puts me into the pit and depression is my roommate because of it all. I do what I can to change it or deal more effectively with it or try to live above it. I have no choice to do other. I cry, complain, throw a fit, feel sorry for myself, or gut it up with the best of them. What else is there to do? I have not been in therapy long enough that I see any difference with some symptoms such as the gastro stuff and headaches. Maybe someday. In the meantime, this is my life and has been for over 60 years. It is just who I am. I hurt. Do I like it? Nope. But, I continue to deal with it and I do not allow it to rule me. My body may hurt buy my mind can live above it all and still enjoy the things I can do with or without the pain. You can to and I am sure you know this. I wish I could wave a fairy godmother's wand over you and take all your health issues away. That would make things so much easier for you. Sadly, this can't be. So, I can offer you a cyber hug:hug: and tell you that I totally understand your frustration and pain. All I can do is assure you that I and other like suffers, walk the same path. We understand. You are not alone in your struggles.:)
    KwanYingirl, hodge, brat17 and 2 others like this.
  5. blackemerald1

    blackemerald1 I'm a VIP Premium Member

    @brat17 - could not agree with you more. Sometimes I think ptsd has robbed me of my youth and the best years of my life are behind me. It crushes me to think this and it certainly doesn't help get me through another day. Then when I believe I have recovered a little some health issue will come along to fill the gap. I get that sorted as much as I can and then I slip back into being symptomatic.

    I too wonder if its not one it will be the other. Or some other strange occurrence will come along where I have to muster up whatever inner reserve I think I have left to deal.

    As @Still Standing said, you are not alone in your frustration. :hug:
    KwanYingirl, Ronin, hodge and 2 others like this.
  6. Tornadic Thoughts

    Tornadic Thoughts I'm a VIP

    I felt the same way for years, and still do at times. I've drastically flipped my entire life script as I was approaching the half-century mark of my existence, and have since learned to reverse and better manage some pretty severe symptoms from a long list of ongoing chronic illnesses via engaging in the exact opposite of what I'd been taught to be necessary consumption/hygiene habits...with the support of my doc...and that still blows my mind daily that my fork and such could be such a powerful healing ally...but life still presents me with the shitty and harsh realizations that no matter how much better I can make myself feel inside and out, all those other feels are just waiting to come back for another visit, taking me down and/or out in whatever fashion necessary to make me pay closer a-tension. The roots go deep and my cells will apparently never forget.
    Ronin, hodge, Still Standing and 2 others like this.
  7. brat17

    brat17 I'm a VIP

    Abstract, I could be avoiding some trauma, but not sure. I have felt deep emotional pain and grief and worked through it to the best of my ability at the time, but Im sure its on a cellular level. So I do try to keep my antenna's up about what it is I am feeling daily. I do think physical ailments to get worse over time, particularly since I will be 60 this year. Wow...where did it go.

    @Still Standing -I sure agree, we just have to push forward and never give up. We can enjoy life with or without pain. I am going to the city (an hour away) tomorrow with my daughter for mothers day. This will include the drive, shopping, lunch, etc. I will make it, but sometimes it does give me anxiety like I fear I will just collapse on her. Im looking forward to it also and could not decline the invitation. Im sorry that you have the same to deal with.

    blackemerald1-I think the same way as you do, and as the years pass, the little stuff keeps adding up. It takes some control like preventing from doing all we want or keeping near a bathroom or what we can eat. We adjust, then something new...I guess thats life with or without ptsd.

    Tornadic Thoughts-Im so glad you have been able to flip your script. We do have control of some things that we were not always aware of, and the changes sure can cause improvements. I agree the roots go deep. The body seems to never forget.

    Years ago the dr thought I had MS based on MRI. It was not confirmed or ruled out. Since I feel worse, I have considered going back to the neurologist to figure this out. Im afraid to learn that I DO have it, and Im afraid to learn that I DON'T have it...if that makes sense. They now say MS is prevalent in those with adult Epstein Barr Virus, which I had as adult. I feel like I have mono on top of so much else. If I was told I do then I guess I would have to accept it and learn to deal with it, maybe being a bit less hard on myself. I would hope that the reality would not cause me to loose more motivation or ambition. If it was discovered that I don't have it, then I am back to "what the hell is wrong with me to lack energy, exercise tolerance, weakness, so badly". I am already hard on myself about my physical limitations. It makes me less reliable.

    They do now know that autoimmune illnesses are related to trauma, and my 3 older sisters have Rheumatoid arthritis, Addisons Disease, and Scleroderma. They suspect I have Srojens syndrome.(dry eyes and mouth) I guess I never get any clear answers as well.

    Thank you all for taking the time to read this and respond because I often do feel alone. Most topics are related to ptsd symptoms and not to physical illnesses that come from the trauma we have experienced. You all make me feel less alone in this. I don't want to be a whiner and mostly Im not, but there are some days that the physical symptoms and pain just get to me.
  8. hodge

    hodge I'm a VIP Premium Member Donated

    I hear you, @brat17. I've been having a few of those days myself. As far as I know I just have fibro (dxed last June) and TMJ, along with PTSD. I move around and keep doing as much as I can, but some days, it just kicks me in the butt. Today is the third day in a row of this, all the way from the base of my skull down on both sides of my shoulder blades and then into the backs of my thighs. The thing that drives me most nuts about all this physical pain is that I can't concentrate and manage the most ordinary things.

    And, yeah, just when you get the hang of working through and dealing with all the emotional pain of PTSD, here comes something totally out of left field to challenge you in a whole new way.
  9. brat17

    brat17 I'm a VIP

    Im sorry to hear your fibro is flaring up hodge. It sure does mess up concentration and manage ordinary things that healthy people take for granted.

    I made it through mothers day and then spent 3 days in bed. It was a long day. It was very nice and I am grateful for that, but exhausting.
    blackemerald1 and hodge like this.
  10. brat17

    brat17 I'm a VIP

    Feeling very discouraged today. So sick of feeling like this. Just can't get moving. Went to bed in severe pain and woke up just as bad.
    blackemerald1 likes this.
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