It's taken me several days to work out my response to the initial meeting with T4. I suppose that is pretty standard for me.
First she is offering the "standard CBT for trauma" that I have been seeking for so long, is experienced in it, and teaches CBT at one of the local universities. Our initial 30 minutes extended to nearly 2 hours and she was very careful to check whether I was OK to leave alone. I have made an appointment for next week. She plans to start on stabilising and on blame.
Because we over-ran, I ended up in a bit of a public transport black hole and the whole trip took over 7 hours. I was amazingly washed out by being out alone after dark in a slightly uncontrolled situation. That's my first, but fairly trivial, concern. I think the usual round trip will be 5 to 6 hours, but I'll get home before dark, and I believe acclimatising to doing it will be good for me.
I asked her about her experience, and it seems deep and relevant, but she mentioned - not by name, but in some detail a current female client and described the pattern of their work together. It felt a little bit like breach of privacy - if I see another woman in her waiting room, will I wonder if it's her? But I'm aware that my work has made me very picky about patient confidentiality, so that may be just me.
My biggest concern is about her minimising my condition. I'd already said I was afraid that once I got to talking about the traumas she'd throw me out as a fraud. She later commented that my coping strategies, though not ideal, are not as destructive as this other woman. I've had so many problems getting anything from the NHS and I've felt that it was because they think I should be able to deal with it all myself. I don't think OD'ing etc are non-destructive, though I can see that to her my eating being out of control may look trivial. Maybe its just me picking up something that isn't there, but it does make me wonder if she'll see me as a bit of a waste of time.
First she is offering the "standard CBT for trauma" that I have been seeking for so long, is experienced in it, and teaches CBT at one of the local universities. Our initial 30 minutes extended to nearly 2 hours and she was very careful to check whether I was OK to leave alone. I have made an appointment for next week. She plans to start on stabilising and on blame.
Because we over-ran, I ended up in a bit of a public transport black hole and the whole trip took over 7 hours. I was amazingly washed out by being out alone after dark in a slightly uncontrolled situation. That's my first, but fairly trivial, concern. I think the usual round trip will be 5 to 6 hours, but I'll get home before dark, and I believe acclimatising to doing it will be good for me.
I asked her about her experience, and it seems deep and relevant, but she mentioned - not by name, but in some detail a current female client and described the pattern of their work together. It felt a little bit like breach of privacy - if I see another woman in her waiting room, will I wonder if it's her? But I'm aware that my work has made me very picky about patient confidentiality, so that may be just me.
My biggest concern is about her minimising my condition. I'd already said I was afraid that once I got to talking about the traumas she'd throw me out as a fraud. She later commented that my coping strategies, though not ideal, are not as destructive as this other woman. I've had so many problems getting anything from the NHS and I've felt that it was because they think I should be able to deal with it all myself. I don't think OD'ing etc are non-destructive, though I can see that to her my eating being out of control may look trivial. Maybe its just me picking up something that isn't there, but it does make me wonder if she'll see me as a bit of a waste of time.
