Sitting quietly among the grief of a passing friend


It’s odd the numbing sensation that chokes my emotions, tears and inner screams. He died alone during this stay-at-home order. No company, no family ... just his TV for the comfort of a voice. Seniors- often so lonely and forgotten.

He couldn’t read due to a mental disability but he loved looking at pictures of wildlife, stars and planets. I often read to him from online captions taking him from his little apt and limping gait into the world through the comfort of the internet. With child like joy this older man greeted nature, pointed out the beauty in life despite what was dealt to him each day. He was a kind hearted gent and loved to laugh.

He left me everything. I didn’t know. I found out today through a phone call. I explained the memories were more than enough and in the true spirit of my friend... I donated his belongings to the victims of our fires in my State. So many lives are changing through disaster, disease and loss that his meager belongings will make a difference to someone in need. He would like that as he often played Santa Claus at Christmas Time (as he called it). I know he must be smiling somewhere.

But for now, I am sitting in the middle of chaos waiting for my grief to pick a stage, any stage so that I can feel again and honor his loss. I thank you for listening.
Last edited:


My deepest condolences on your loss.

Dying alone, but loved from afar... has it‘s own sense of peace to it.

Speaking as someone who’s nearly gone that route a few times. Although I also know the depth of pain in losing those we can’t get to, has its own monsters swimming in it; born of love & regret, they’re shadows in darkness.

I have no right to it, but I share your grief.


@bellbird I thank you for your words. They mean a lot right now and hearing them brings much comfort In our sitting circle.

I have no right to it, but I share your grief.

We have shared much on the board over the years. You are part of me, my journey and I am grateful for your extension. You have every right and your post rang true. Thank you for being you.