Ugh just had a blood sugar crash for around 6 hours, don't even know. It was so scary this time round, don't remember the last time I had such symptoms for so long. It went away without having glucose, I think... I mean my heads clearer now.
Glad I always tell myself I'm worthless and don't deserve to live so at least I didn't bother anyone. And funnily enough I'm still alive to waste people's time.
Looking back my mind was really confused and it was almost like I was possessed but kinda knew I would most likely make it out alive since the body has its ways. I wouldn't know if I didn't make it either, don't want my last moments in pain and fear if possible.
Makes me think of the soldiers who call for their mum when they're about to die. It's almost always a parent? I have no one to call to cause I don't trust anyone and I was born an accident.
I don't deserve anyone to talk to.
I don't deserve to live.
I don't deserve anyone to hold my hand.
I don't deserve to feel comfortable.
I don't deserve a hug.
I don't deserve to eat my favourite foods again.
I don't deserve to have a future.
I don't deserve to smile.
Even though only one person would push me over the limit and dehumanize me up to this point it's still not possible to convince myself I'm more than that sometimes. Really do not feel like triggering myself again, his memories are draining. He wouldn't care what becomes of my life anyway.
My brain probably don't run on logic at this point.