Small Rant - Making Friends Who Say Careless Remarks

[linasmom]

So, I've recently reconnected with an old co-worker who happens to live in Charlotte, NC - he and I worked together when we both lived in Florida.

Anyway, I really need to start making friends here so my husband and I and our daughter have gotten together with them and their kids a few times to hang out. I really like him as he and I have a lot in common. I also like his wife who I did not know before moving to Charlotte and hanging out with them.

However, twice, the wife has referred to me and another person (during two separate occasions) as having a "panic attack" about something. The first time she said it, she was referring to another person. Today, when her daughter was in the pool in the round raft and tipping head first into the water with her feet stuck in the hole, I stood up and pointed out to her (since she was in the pool) that her daughter was in a situation. She turned to her daughter who by now had gotten herself back up with her head above water and said "what are you doing, you gave Rachel a panic attack".

I know, totally innocent. BUT, it was the second time that I've heard her mention that someone is/was "having a panic attack".

Is this something new that people say now whenever someone "reacts" to something? She does not know about my PTSD, and when I heard her make that comment again today, I got really irritated in my own head. All I could think of was "does she have a f'n clue what a panic attack is??!" I mean, she possibly couldn't or else she wouldn't throw the statement around like it's some new fangled trend.

I just wanted to say "panic attack? are you kidding? when I'm on the ground in the fetal position begging to go to the ER THEN you can say I'm having a panic attack. And furthermore, when YOU'VE been on the floor manifesting your own death within your own mind, then you can talk about a f'n panic attack! How dare you minimize a disorder that is a very serious condition for some people!

But, I'm over it. She meant no harm, I'm just annoyed at how real disorders become minimized by trendy remarks. I just wanted to yell "until you've had a panic attack, shut the f up!"

END RANT.

:poke::poke:

 

[BassistKara]

I hear it all the time...thankfully not from my few close friends though.
It annoys me to end as well! The one that really gets me is when people are "play fighting" or just accidently knock into another person or something like that, then they yell "Stop molesting/raping/abusing me" or something like "No means no" and then start laughing hysterically...i have been known to totally lose it when people say that around me.
Same with the words trauma and depression in response to something which clearly isn't any of those things...also another one is the bipolar..if somebody suddenly snaps about something they are automatically bipolar?!
Like they actually know what its like to live day to day with any or all of those things!

 

[redtriskell]

Amen. Can anyone gimme' a hallelujah? (imagine a choir singing and a sweaty but INTENSE preacher) I HATE it when people, even innocently, trivialize something like abuse or rape. Can you believe I have actually heard a JOKE about child molestation? And it didn't involve anything bad happening to the molester. Everyone else cracked up until I said very firmly that I had been raped as a small girl and did not find anything humorous about pedophilia. I don't hang out with those people anymore. I was done with all of them in that second that they started to laugh. Still pissed about it, too. I can hold a grudge like a champ! *wry smile* red

 

[Deleted member 541]

I think that you're right....That people just say this when someone "reacts" It just a word or phrase to them, they haven't a clue as to what it really is.

I know this guy, he's gay and a few months ago he broke up with his partner. So he said to me that he went away for the DAY and had a "Total Breakdown" As I was listening to him I was thinking to myself, man if you had a total breakdown....WHAT the hell have I had the 4 times I have been hospitalized in the ward, on meds for 7-10 days?????

People are just clueless....

 

[BassistKara]

Red- your post about the pedophilia joke reminded me of when i was staying in a youth refuge earlier this year. Another of the residents made the joke, the 3 other people, including one of the youth workers were laughing their arses off...i naturally got pissed, so the youth worker came and asked me "what on earth is wrong?". I told him i didn't feel comfortable being/living with people who joke about molestation and rape, and you know what his reply was? "Well, too bad!". Needless to say i left the refuge and stayed at a mates place.

 

[sisu]

I think that you all are being overly sensitive. No, people who don't experience panic attacks know what they really feel like. But neither do people who say, "I was so busy today I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off". I don't think anyone walking around saying that actually knows what it feels like to have their head cut off. Or when people say "that food was so spicy it feels like my tongue is on fire". I doubt they have ever had their tongue on fire.

What I am trying to say, that while people maybe shouldn't say some of the things that they do I am sure that they are not saying them to be insensitive. And I am sure that those things were not meant as personal attacks.

Sisu

 

[catjudo]

Their intention may not be to be hurtful or insensitive but their misuse of the word is ignorant and people only learn through enlightenment. Different but similar situation...my personal soapbox is hearing someone misuse the word retarded. I'm sure this comes from working with special needs youth and adults for so many years. Hearing someone say, "That was so retarded" is like nails on a chalkboard for me. If it is someone I know, I generally step up and tell them what a pet peeve it is for me and why. The majority of people take in the information and are appreciative. It's not their intention to be hurtful to anyone and hadn't really thought about how what they are saying might effect someone who overhears them. I've encountered a few people who were a*sses about it, but then those people aren't worth wasting my time on because I feel like it just speaks to the kind of person they are.

 

[Grama-Herc]

IMHO people are intrinsically lazy when it comes to speech. We have become a population of cliches and slang. The majority of the words we use are not even found in the dictionary with a definition remotely resembling the way we use them.

While people are not normally intending to cause any pain by their words, they do. I feel that when words are misuse, it only shows ignorance!

Personally, I know I am as guilty as the next guy for misuse, but since joining the forum I have become more aware of words and their proper use. Good lord, I even looked up the "BIG" words in this post!

 

[2quilt]

I tolerated someone who I had breakfast with every weekend. He made jokes about incest, rape, and pejorative comments about gays too. Evidently he ignored my twisted face when he made those comments, my requests to stop talking like that, everything, because he made those remarks for the shock value. I gave him one severe warning to stop, he ignored me, so now, he has breakfast alone. I told my husband he could go to breakfast with this schmuck, but after a long conversation with my husband, I finally got it through his thick skull how those sexual comments hurt me so deeply that I refuse to associate with this scum. Neither of us talk with this guy any more.

Was I too sensitive? Hell no. This ashhole was trying to make me squirm. He knew I am an incest and rape survivor, and when I told him to stop, he just brushed me off. Can't take a joke?

His number of friends is getting smaller all the time.

 

[linasmom]

I want to apologize to the members here (this is my own decision). I was totally triggered by Sisu's response to this thread. Triggered in a way that I have not been triggered in a very long time.

I was shaking, dizzy, barely able to see objects in front of me. I've taken a Xanax and have been able to calm down and see how my reaction to her statements were purely a triggered response and inappropriate.

In no way did I mean to use my moderator status as a power tool.

Though my becoming triggered and consequential reaction of rage is not an excuse, it is the reason for my actions.

Again, I apologize to the members for my actions.

 

[anthony]

All other aspects of this thread have been deleted.... I have undeleted Linasmom's apology as that should be read.