4:44 am....
Couple of days ago I thought I was well on my way to getting my sleep schedule halfway acceptable, but nope; I'm still sleeping 4 hours during the evening, and 4 hours during the day (if I'm lucky to get a full 7-8 hours at all).....
grr.
For the first time I am actually looking FORWARD to getting in touch with someone for help. I want to be awake when the sun is UP, and asleep when the sun is DOWN for once in the past 2 freaking years. AND, I want to be able to sleep at NIGHT without having to get up to check the house everytime a mouse farts around here.....
grr.
I don't care anymore what they diagnose me with, even if they decide to proclaim me the biggest fricken fruitloop ALIVE, LOL! I just want a LITTLE bit of flippin normalcy around here! :cuckoo:
Here begins my rant (and no, I'm not feeling sorry for myself, just somewhat perturbed at life's quirky way):
Ya now, sometimes I just get pissed off reflecting on the days when I was a kid thinking that once I was grown, everything would be okay again. I had absolutely NO clue that it would actually be worse down the road. No one's molesting me any fricken more, WHY is my brain afraid of what doesn't even EXIST anymore in my life? OMGWTFBBQ! :hit-boss:
I want to go outside of my "cave" as my husband calls it without being afraid... of NOTHING!
I want my brain to understand that houses CREAK for crying out loud, and that the kids are just fine sleeping peacefully in their bedrooms... NO ONE is coming to hurt them. I do NOT want to check the locks not ONE MORE TIME!!
Or the windows and blinds, or the garage, or under tables, closets, the pantry, etc.....
I don't want to jump every single time my husband walks thru the front door, running out of my "cave"... What am I expecting? Hell-if-I-know!
I don't want to dream anymore. Not at all.. I don't want good dreams OR bad gory disgusting dreams, or dreams of my ex stepbrother on top of me, or dreams of people hurting my children and me trying to save them...
I just don't want a brain LOL! I just want to live in BLISSFUL ignorance and twiddle my thumbs all day in a NICE padded cell somewhere for awhile. Call it a vacation from MYSELF!
/end rant
Couple of days ago I thought I was well on my way to getting my sleep schedule halfway acceptable, but nope; I'm still sleeping 4 hours during the evening, and 4 hours during the day (if I'm lucky to get a full 7-8 hours at all).....
grr.
For the first time I am actually looking FORWARD to getting in touch with someone for help. I want to be awake when the sun is UP, and asleep when the sun is DOWN for once in the past 2 freaking years. AND, I want to be able to sleep at NIGHT without having to get up to check the house everytime a mouse farts around here.....
grr.
I don't care anymore what they diagnose me with, even if they decide to proclaim me the biggest fricken fruitloop ALIVE, LOL! I just want a LITTLE bit of flippin normalcy around here! :cuckoo:
Here begins my rant (and no, I'm not feeling sorry for myself, just somewhat perturbed at life's quirky way):
Ya now, sometimes I just get pissed off reflecting on the days when I was a kid thinking that once I was grown, everything would be okay again. I had absolutely NO clue that it would actually be worse down the road. No one's molesting me any fricken more, WHY is my brain afraid of what doesn't even EXIST anymore in my life? OMGWTFBBQ! :hit-boss:
I want to go outside of my "cave" as my husband calls it without being afraid... of NOTHING!
I want my brain to understand that houses CREAK for crying out loud, and that the kids are just fine sleeping peacefully in their bedrooms... NO ONE is coming to hurt them. I do NOT want to check the locks not ONE MORE TIME!!
Or the windows and blinds, or the garage, or under tables, closets, the pantry, etc.....
I don't want to jump every single time my husband walks thru the front door, running out of my "cave"... What am I expecting? Hell-if-I-know!
I don't want to dream anymore. Not at all.. I don't want good dreams OR bad gory disgusting dreams, or dreams of my ex stepbrother on top of me, or dreams of people hurting my children and me trying to save them...
I just don't want a brain LOL! I just want to live in BLISSFUL ignorance and twiddle my thumbs all day in a NICE padded cell somewhere for awhile. Call it a vacation from MYSELF!
/end rant