General So How Long Is Long Enough?

[Tbam]

In my case, it's been 7 years that my wife has suffered from PTSD. You think it can not get any worse and yet i think its worse now than at any point. She has fought getting counseling but in the past 8 weeks she has started to go (for the first time in 2-3 years). Every day i get up and say to myself " i cant go on another day in this relationship!" and yet i keep getting up and doing it. So for you married carer's out their with a few years under their belt, how long is long enough before you file for divorce? do you feel like you are missing out on life? what is reasonable under your marriage vows before you throw in the towel? any thoughts??

 

[ISupportHer]

Hmmm, you've been at this longer than I. I do feel I know what you are saying. Need to think more on a response but my initial though is simply as long as feel she is trying.

ISH

 

[Nicolette]

Haven't been as long as either of you but Anthony and I have been together for 3 1/2 years with PTSD from the word go. Thankfully, I don't seem to have the ongoing issues other Carers have and I believe that is a combination of Anthony's desire to make himself the best person he can be and my attitude (which developed after the first year) that PTSD is not an excuse to treat me like shit or make me feel uncomfortable in my own home. From what I read I am proud of Anthony.

He has off days but nothing like when I first met him, I know when to back off and respect the symptoms of the illness, and unless there is something unusual there isn't much of a problem except when one or two certain issues arrive from time to time. I come here and feel very lucky for the most part.

 

[Marley]

I know a couple that have been married for almost 20 years, and the wife continuously runs away, drives off into a random direction every 3-5 nights or so. Something happened to her over 30 years ago where some man assaulted her and kidnapped her, something along those lines, and it's gotten to her ever since. For some reason unknown to us, she wants a divorce with her husband. They have done counseling on and off. And all the husband can really do is just go after her each time she runs away, put her back in the car, drive home, and continue loving her. As hard as it is, when you have a family, all that matters is your family. You will do anything to keep that family intact, no matter how much she ticks you off, no matter how many times she yells at you or draws arguments with you.

The difference here with your story is, it does sound like your wife is trying. Divorce isn't even a word in some countries, can you imagine that? Can you think of the impact the loss of that word would have on our country? I know, we all hate to hear the words "I'm *trying*" but give her some more time. The more she opens up in her sessions, the more she will realize that you are still there for her. I know the light at the end of the tunnel is so far out of sight, but keep pushing forward! Don't push her, only support her. Give her a chance, like you've given millions of times before. Be merciful as God is merciful, if you believe in anything like that.

 

[Lucycat]

I am a sufferer and have been married for 25 years. I have had PTSD all that time although only diagnosed for the past 8 months. But I had the symptoms and the behaviour. It is who I am or rather was. My question is that now I have changed and am slowly getting better how long until my husband files for divorce on the grounds that I am not the person he married?

 

[lisa76]

I struggle with the same question constantly. Truth be told, I do feel like I am missing out on life at times. My husband was diagnosed a few years ago and has been emotionally unavailable since then. He is getting better, but I get tired of dealing with all of this. We have 2 children and I wonder how it affects them. A few months ago, he decided he really wants to work on things. However, I struggle with his anger, his triggers, and the general loss of passion for life. We're going to give some serious counseling a go (we've been seeing a counselor but it hasn't been working.) Lately, I've been having more bad days than good. So I'm getting a therapist for myself and going to sort through all this stuff. I think it's good to focus on yourself and to figure out what you want.

 

[Jawn]

Tbam,

You have dealt with this for a long time. I have dealt with it for a few years too, but most of that time was trying to convince my wife to get help. She is now doing that and will hopefully get better with meds and therapy. My plan is to hang in as long as she is trying to get better and I feel there is "hope". If I ever get to the point to where I don't feel there is "hope", then I will have to walk away. Hopefully that day never comes.

I feel your pain.

Jawn

 

[Nicolette]

My question is that now I have changed and am slowly getting better how long until my husband files for divorce on the grounds that I am not the person he married?

Lucycat, if your husband has loved you and stuck by you for 25 years and you are getting better, as long as he goes on the same journey with you, nothing should change. People continually change as things affect them or their lives. Anthony is not the same person I met 3 1/2 years ago, and he now sufferers less than what he did before, so to me that brings relief as I still love who he is (that did not change). Thankfully I just don't have to deal with a roller coaster ride anymore and more now just the odd speed hump.

 

[seraphimfelldown]

I asked my husband who is my carer (7 years now) what his thoughts were on this post. He says that you obviously love her. The fact that she's going to counselling now is positive step forward. My husband says you just need to hand on a bit longer. There may be some difficult times ahead because if she's going to counselling things get worked out, but things will get better. He also suggests finding a carers support group or going to therapy yourself so that you have an outlet with all the things that you're dealing with.

Best Wishes

Sera (on behalf of Sera's husband)