I've been through some traumatic experiences that left their marks & am still very much so working on myself yet my confusion comes from another's actions. It's a pretty long story but I caused them to dissociate. At first I didn't know what was happening to them until I did it myself & everything clicked together. I was 'pursuing' him romantically. He's a gay male, I'm a straight female. I've never had any expectations on actually being successful. He was moving (with his bf- which I was supportive of) & for so much of my life I had to hide emotions or 'play a part' that now I do what makes me happy. & Finding ways to make him happy- made me happy- though every word I uttered or wrote was true I wanted him to feel... I dunno...a fraction of the warmth & love I feel for him because he struggles with being him I think. Their relationship is an open one & I was extremely firm with myself that if I did get the opportunity for anything more physical that I wouldn't hide it from anyone. I actually gave him a yellow flower with a post it note for his bf that said, 'Sorry if I've ever disrespected you. I can be ridiculous sometimes.' A long with a maroon one for him & a romantic letter. I'm very brazen. Yet, he had both said & done things that made me seriously question why I was triggering him. Because even conversations that I led that caused him too, he would follow up (evidentially) or full on lead himself (same topic different narrative). Just so confused. Ex: he came into work (we worked together) one day drunk (as a customer) with a group of his friends & bf & I straight up avoided him. Because I dunno if he was 'throwing me a bone', just enjoying the flattery, or seriously curious about women but I figured then was not the time to find out! Even though he actively tried to seek me out. I can't say what the point in this is. Input on why I caused a complete shut down on someone I deeply care for to better understand how not to do that or ways to help I guess if I'm ever in a similar situation because as much as I enjoy seeing his doe eyes flutter it was obvious I caused him distress when it was that and literally nothing but a side wards eye lock on me.