Sufferer So this is what being alive feels like

Patience7

New Here
I was diagnosed ptsd a few years ago. A shock to me as I vibrated in my chair trying to understand the T’s explanation. Every hair on my body was tingling. New sensations! Scary. Eyes wide as a ‘lit up deer’s.

So the journey began, revealing that my life began with traumatic experiences! We muddled through each experience as much as I could remember. I seldom reacted to my retelling of the experiences. It was someone else’s story.
After a time of Therapy, sleep drugs, antidepressants, diet changes my heart and mind was in gear and then I knew what I was up against. Me.
Me not knowing me. Not Being compassionate with me. Me not knowing what compassion, feelings, boundaries were.

No one can find me but me… so…

After a while of therapy and drugs I started my own research. Yoga nidra, sleep stories for adults, music for moods and tinnitus, etc. and used all of them (and still do).
They Opened connections between my whole self I didn’t know existed. It took me several tries to find my own body parts during body scans. I FELT my toes! Exciting!

So next,
I wanted off drugs which was met with opposition from T. But after a time I withdrew myself safely off antidepressants. (And my T withdrew from me….)
Courage. And lots of it was needed. My physical withdrawal, possibly loss of T who is still the only human that knows my story, and what if I really needed to be on antidepressants ??????
I researched this site and it helped my courage and fears. It validated my decision. I felt like a log was removed from my chest. Many thanks to everyone here.

3 months now without antidepressants and I feel. Everything. I cry and laugh. During 30 years of undiagnosed ptsd and probably more, there was little of that. Again on this site I learned about cptsd, thank you. I qualify 😊

I Can do it my way, it’s ok. My mantra.
 

Weemie

MyPTSD Pro
So the journey began, revealing that my life began with traumatic experiences!

Me and my therapist went thru this when we went thru the initial intake.

She asked me, "do you have any memories before your trauma?" Nope. My earliest memories are of being smothered and locked in a room with my own excrement and rotten food && being starved and covertly sexually abused. (Click on that if you want to see, but it's just trauma descriptions.)

It's very hard and painful to recognize a life that began in the throes of abuse and suffering, but we can heal! These days I'm doing much better, my relationship with my family has improved, and I've made some wonderful friends here on the forum && on Discord. I hope u can stick around and join our wonderful community!
 

caroline_13

MyPTSD Pro
After a while of therapy and drugs I started my own research. Yoga nidra, sleep stories for adults, music for moods and tinnitus, etc. and used all of them (and still do).
They Opened connections between my whole self I didn’t know existed. It took me several tries to find my own body parts during body scans. I FELT my toes! Exciting!


I Can do it my way, it’s ok. My mantra.
Our own way is the only way.

Yoga has helped me so much, and I still do it about every day. I listen to positive affirmations and sleep stories.

Everything is always working out for you and for me.
 

WillyKat

MyPTSD Pro
I too took myself of antidepressants w/o telling anyone. I just felt they weren't doing any good. I wouldn't advise anyone to do it w/o medical supervision, but I didn't notice any change in my mood at all. The only thing I noticed is a slight metallic taste in my mouth, which I've never figured out. Whatever.

I'm glad you're feeling everything, ups and downs. That's how it ought to be. Welcome to the forum.
 
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