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Socialising incrediably uncomfortable & scary?

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Ryanna

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Am I the only one that finds social situations incredibly uncomfortable and scary? I sit there worrying about trusting people again, allowing them to get to know me... because well, the last time I did that my abuse began. I know I need to get better at this in order to make friends but I find myself getting super anxious and on the edge in most social situations, I can’t be myself and I’ll do anything I can to make myself invisible and to hide in the corner. Does anyone else do this? Or have advice on how to stop doing this?
 
I do this. I isolate myself. In social situations, like gatherings at my son's school, I sit there saying nothing and trying to be invisible. I don't trust people and I'm also worried that if I do say something I'll sound stupid or crazy. You are NOT alone in this at all.
 
I'm the one standing against the wall - with my service dog in front of me, watching everyone who walks by and trying to figure out how big of a threat they are. If you approach me I'm all sorts of friendly and pleasant to talk to -- As I think of 100 different ways to fight to get away from you.
 
I was anti social. Go to camping trips by myself and going to varies of events in town. I could easily call a friend but I don't. It got worse after my trauma event. I huddle downinthe house. I have not called friends... I just let them fade away. I am also the distant one in the family. Trust is a big thing.. and just seems I can not trust anyone including doctors.

My social anxiety effects my life. Like when I go grocery shopping I try to avoid people or isles with people even if I need something in that isle.
You are not alone... welcome to the club.
 
I was anti social. Go to camping trips by myself and going to varies of events in town. I could easily c...

I hope you manage to eventually open up to someone

I do this. I isolate myself. In social situations, like gatherings at my son's school, I sit there...

Thank you, it’s nice to know I’m not the only one
 
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If you approach me I'm all sorts of friendly and pleasant to talk to -- As I think of 100 different ways to fight to get away from you.
Yup!! I do not like social settings beyond family and friends...and even then, the group mentality can be intimidating. Hubby is a social person and everyone is his friend. For me everyone is an enemy and is not my friend. He mingles and I hide...sometimes literally!!! It has been a source of contention many times in our married life. Like Freida, I act funny, friendly, and interested toward others but once I can make an escape, I emotionally collapse and feel absolutely drained. I often times feel like a fraud because, others see me as their "friend". They don't know that I am scared of them and have no intentions of letting them get real close to me. The older I get, the less I want to mess with social obligations like weddings, graduations, church functions, friends' social gahterings, fairs, etc. I like my safe place...my house.
 
Yup!! I do not like social settings beyond family and friends...and even then, the group mentality can be intimidating. Hubby is a social person and everyone is his friend. For me everyone is an enemy and is not my friend. He mingles and I hide...sometimes literally!!! It has been a source of contention many times in our married life. Like Freida, I act funny, friendly, and interested toward others but once I can make an escape, I emotionally collapse and feel absolutely drained. I often times feel like a fraud because, others see me as their "friend". They don't know that I am scared of them and have no intentions of letting them get real close to me. The older I get, the less I want to mess with social obligations like weddings, graduations, church functions, friends' social gahterings, fairs, etc. I like my safe place...my house.
Gosh, I feel like you just described me exactly, still standing, I am glad to hear others do what I do. I turn myself into an act when I interact with others. I know why but I still do it. It is what my narcissistic mother did. I never thought I would see the day I would be like her in any way but I am. That fake phony exterior that is so contrary to the fear I am experiencing inside when I engage with others....... friends and family included....I think I even engage better with strangers.......but the loud voice that screams in my head particularly after I get home and no one is around so I can start to calm down..... It scares me, my heart is always pounding. I hate going out my front door, neighbors might see me. I want to be invisible, then no one can criticize me but, no matter how hard I try, I am still visible. It is a prison I live in, it seems or at least feels like.... I hope some day my efforts will pay off and I will be able to accept that this is how I am and it’s going to have to be OK.
 
Wow, “crush”, like you, just stepping out the front door to walk to the driveway and car, my warning radar turns on! Neighbors are watching!!!!! And to take the dog for a walk, I keep my head down so I don’t have to make eye contact with anyone. And friendly strangers along the way make my heart skip a beat in fear. I’ve learned to put up with these feelings of people watching me but it is an aggravation. And I’ve learned all this is my problem and not theirs. No one has ever really threatened me while on a walk. It is my own hypervigilance that is telling me I am unsafe. Tough living with voices of fear in your head all the time. But the result is feeling safe in an enclosed area like my house or car.
 
Wow, “crush”, like you, just stepping out the front door to walk to the driveway and car, my warning radar turns on! Neighbors are watching!!!!! And to take the dog for a walk, I keep my head down so I don’t have to make eye contact with anyone. And friendly strangers along the way make my heart skip a beat in fear. I’ve learned to put up with these feelings of people watching me but it is an aggravation. And I’ve learned all this is my problem and not theirs. No one has ever really threatened me while on a walk. It is my own hypervigilance that is telling me I am unsafe. Tough living with voices of fear in your head all the time. But the result is feeling safe in an enclosed area like my house or car.
I just came to site after about a month and saw your post in response to mine Still Standing...... gosh, I just spent time trying to engage with others in various situations this month. I am wondering if I should just quit having the goal be to trust people and maintain friendships if it is so debilitating to me. The aftermath of these encounters lays me flat. The people I choose for friends are nice people who like me but my head just does not quit doing its thing. I get lonely too but it is almost better to be lonely and deal with it. I have my son, his wife and 3 grandkids who I can feel welcome with and freak outs are minimal. Maybe that is enough for me. I soooo get what you said in this past post and somehow it makes me not feel so all alone, just knowing there are others in the world having the same experience. I wish this condition was not stigmatized so much if one is not able to engage. I feel like if others knew how I feel, I would be an outcast so I keep trying to appear normal
 
Am I the only one that finds social situations incredibly uncomfortable and scary?
Absolutely not! I have never been comfortable at social events - even as a child. My parents never taught me to be sociable - and I still struggle. I avoid parties and crowds. If I have to go, I have my escape route planned. My husband and I have fallen out many times as he is a really socialble man and loves chatting to anybody and everybody. This sometimes leaves me feeling very exposed.
 
Oh, you're not the only one. The thought of being around a group of people and having to have small talk makes me so scared. My husband is the opposite of me and can talk to anyone and makes friends so easy. I just try to be invisible. The thing is though that even when I stay in the house alot to avoid people I'm still not comfortable within myself because I am always thinking to myself...Why. Are. You. So. Weird! :(
 
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