Some kind of flashback maybe?

cntrymom08466

Confident
Well, I haven't been on here much, but today something happened that I'm not sure what it was for sure.

First off I've been married to my 2nd husband for 15 years. It's been mostly great. My first and my kids' father was the emotionally abusive of me and sexually abused my daughter. (I don't call it his daughter anymore.)

Anyway, I'm 55 and I was taking some birth control at one time to help with what the dr. called flashbacks because of going through menopause I was told. Then last year, I was put on HRT instead and I had some trouble with it, causing other problems. So about a month or month and a half ago I got off of it and have felt pretty much ok.

But last week, there was some conflict with some of my family and I was trying to figure out how to make it work for everybody, then all of a sudden I got angry and upset and it reminded me of trying to "fix" everything for my ex so he wouldn't be upset and angry. Which he was bi-polar we found out late in our relationship too.

Then today, my current love, has had a gambling problem in the past. He has been good about not going in over a year. Well, today he is not working and he came by the office and then left and I tried to reach him for something and he has his location turned on for me. And I saw he was at the casino here in town, I got real upset and tried to call him and he wouldn't answer, after about 20 minutes of trying to reach him, I couldn't hold it in and just started crying. To give you a little of why I was upset, there were many Christmases and birthdays and that I didn't get any gift and barely were able to get our kids' anything, because he had spent all our money at the casino.

He finally called me today after he left and I tried to talk to him, but couldn't he said he was fine and all that, but I was still crying hard. So I hung up.

Are these episodes I guess some kind of flashback? I don't know what to do about them, without getting back on hormones or different medication. I'm already on 300 mg. of Effexor, 100 mg of trazodone and buspar. I've been on celexa, zoloft and cymbalta at one time. Am I just going to have to ride these out? Help please.
 
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cntrymom08466

Confident
Well, I haven't been on here much, but today something happened that I'm not sure what it was for sure. First off I've been married to my 2nd husband for 15 years. It's been mostly great. My first and my kids' father was the emotionally abusive of me and sexually abused my daughter. (I don't call it his daughter anymore. ) Anyway, I'm 55 and I was taking some birth control at one time to help with what the dr. called flashbacks because of going through menopause I was told. Then last year, I was put on HRT instead and I had some trouble with it, causing other problems. So about a month or month and a half ago I got off of it and have felt pretty much ok. But last week, there was some conflict with some of my family and I was trying to figure out how to make it work for everybody, then all of a sudden I got angry and upset and it reminded me of trying to "fix" everything for my ex so he wouldn't be upset and angry. Which he was bi-polar we found out late in our relationship too. Then today, my current love, has had a gambling problem in the past. He has been good about not going in over a year. Well, today he is not working and he came by the office and then left and I tried to reach him for something and he has his location turned on for me. And I saw he was at the casino here in town, I got real upset and tried to call him and he wouldn't answer, after about 20 minutes of trying to reach him, I couldn't hold it in and just started crying. To give you a little of why I was upset, there were many Christmases and birthdays and that I didn't get any gift and barely were able to get our kids' anything, because he had spent all our money at the casino. He finally called me today after he left and I tried to talk to him, but couldn't he said he was fine and all that, but I was still crying hard. So I hung up. Are these episodes I guess some kind of flashback? I don't know what to do about them, without getting back on hormones or different medication. I'm already on 300 mg. of Effexor, 100 mg of trazodone and buspar. I've been on celexa, zoloft and cymbalta at one time. Am I just going to have to ride these out? Help please.
So no replies. I guess I dumped to much. maybe I didn't even have a whatever it was.
 

LittleBigFoot

Policy Enforcement
I wouldn’t consider them flashbacks. But I think therapy would be a great place to cope with past hurts and the gambling addiction. I’m not sure why the doctor put you on HRT for what he said were flashbacks, usually that’s for hot flashes (obviously normal during menopause) and so I’m not sure if your just confused on terminology. The other medications you’ve been on are more for anxiety and depression, which is fair given your circumstances and something a lot of people have to do.

Flashbacks are more split seconds of time where your whole being feels like you are in exactly a place/situation from the past. And it can definitely wreck you, but HRT does not do anything for them.
 

Chris-duck

MyPTSD Pro
The memories sound like memories, not flashbacks. But if you feel like you're not managing on your current meds (mood swings or whatever) maybe speak to your doc again?

What makes you think it's PTSD?
 

Sues

MyPTSD Pro
So no replies. I guess I dumped to much. maybe I didn't even have a whatever it was.

Hi, You didn't dump too much. Sometimes it takes a while to get replies. Some posts don't apply to some people, some are not sure how to answer, and often times there's people reading a post waiting for an answer because they can relate to what is written.

I'm sorry you're dealing with so much right now. Are you seeing a therapist? A therapist could help you work through life events/issues and help develop some coping skills.
 

cntrymom08466

Confident
Yes I'm seeing a therapist she just went on vacation. Well it felt like an emotional flashback. I saw my ex try to hang himself. I was groomed from the time I was 18 to make this one person not get angry afraid something would happen. So yes, I read a little today after I stopped crying and I felt like dog crap the rest of the day. And the hormone fluctuations do cause more mental problems. So you saying the hormones don't affect other things doesn't understand so ie probably a man. I haven't even looked at your profile. I'm sorry I'm tired of people telling me what I'm feeling or thinking is not right. That kind of mood right now.

I was reading on here about different types of flashbacks and I saw there was an emotional flashback. The way it is described is what I felt.
 

LittleBigFoot

Policy Enforcement
So you saying the hormones don't affect other things doesn't understand so ie probably a man. I haven't even looked at your profile. I'm sorry I'm tired of people telling me what I'm feeling or thinking is not right. That kind of mood right now.


I am in a bad place mentally with all the drama happening in the other thread, so I’m sorry if you feel like I invalidated you. That was not my intention, I only wanted to educate. I never said hormones don’t affect moods, I simply said HRTs are not prescribed for flashbacks (emotional or not) so there must have been some confusion. That’s all I was trying to get at. I also felt bad that you hadn’t had any responses so I was trying to be nice and help where I could. But I don’t have the mental space for more drama.

Btw, the clam in my pants says I’m a girl. Not that it should matter. Plenty of men make fantastic gynecologists and understand hormones and emotions just fine.

Have a nice night.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
I was reading on here about different types of flashbacks and I saw there was an emotional flashback. The way it is described is what I felt.
Yeah,I get emotional flashbacks too. Can last any amount of time. Most recently, one lasted a few weeks. Really sh*tty time that was.

Emotional flashbacks are weird. I don't know if it is the same for you, but it can be confusing and not obvious what is happening. Everything feels unsettling. Hyperalert but not sure why.
It passes though.
Trying to understand what happened might be easier after it has passed?
My T said it's important to remember the feeling is from the past, not life now. And to respond to the feelings in a 'healthy' way (still not sure what she meant by that).

(I delayed replying because of my own head being in my own head).
 

cntrymom08466

Confident
I'm sorry I was in a weird place yesterday. @LittleBigFoot the hrt isn't so much for flashbacks but from what I understand the hormone fluctuations during menopause can cause someone to have more flashbacks. So they try to regulate the hormone fluctuations with the hrt or birth control. I'm sorry if I sounded mean yesterday. I had this feeling that my point mattered. Idk I don't usually feel that way. I usually feel pretty numb.

Yeah,I get emotional flashbacks too. Can last any amount of time. Most recently, one lasted a few weeks. Really sh*tty time that was.

Emotional flashbacks are weird. I don't know if it is the same for you, but it can be confusing and not obvious what is happening. Everything feels unsettling. Hyperalert but not sure why.
It passes though.
Trying to understand what happened might be easier after it has passed?
My T said it's important to remember the feeling is from the past, not life now. And to respond to the feelings in a 'healthy' way (still not sure what she meant by that).

(I delayed replying because of my own head being in my own head).
@Movingforward10 thank you for your response too. From your description it seems like I may have been dealing with all of it still.
 

joeylittle

Administrator
I'm wondering, @cntrymom08466 - based on this part of your story -
But last week, there was some conflict with some of my family and I was trying to figure out how to make it work for everybody, then all of a sudden I got angry and upset and it reminded me of trying to "fix" everything for my ex so he wouldn't be upset and angry. Which he was bi-polar we found out late in our relationship too.
Since your ex is the central figure in your trauma history -
I saw my ex try to hang himself. I was groomed from the time I was 18 to make this one person not get angry afraid something would happen.
It makes sense (PTSD-wise) that connecting your present-day experience of trying to fix things for your family with your trauma experience of living with your ex would then put you into an emotionally vulnerable place, and once we're there, it's hard to know exactly which aspect of PTSD is happening, but stands to reason that aspect is being at least amplified by those trauma memories/emotions.

What I'm saying is - you may have experienced something of an emotional 'flashback' when you connected your actions in the family argument to actions in your life with your ex. What would make it a dissociative episode (flashback) has to do with whether you were overcome by that connection - felt transported emotionally in that moment to a specific past event.

Did it feel like that?

It's equally possible you made that connection, stayed in the present, but were so strongly reminded that a lot of feelings ABOUT the trauma started hitting you. That's less to do with the single incident, and more to do with there being stuff you need to get out, talk about, give yourself space to come to terms with it. Might be actually working your way through some of that stuff in the trauma narrative, or might be simply working on what's going on with you now, in the present - because you are under a great deal of stress, it sounds like.

Reading the PTSD cup explanation (or re-reading it) might help give you a useful lens to look at this through. The article behind that link opens with:
The PTSD Cup is a basic representation of your capacity for tolerating stressors.

To be clear - there's nothing minor about stressors. There's a tendency for people to brush things off as "oh, I'm just stressed". But for anyone with PTSD, whether it's active or pretty well-managed - stressors are pretty important things to stay aware of.

Anyway, I'm curious about what it was like for you in the moment you made the connection between family situation and trauma situation, whether or not it felt like you were suddenly and fully back in the feelings (emotional experience) of the past.
 

cntrymom08466

Confident
@joeylittle I'm sorry I didn't respond sooner. I guess my notifications email went to spam. Talking with my T it was probably the emotional flashback. The feelings of the secone was so overwhelming. I couldn't separate from past to current. The first one I just felt like I was being pulled back and trying to do what I always had to do. Keep my ex happy so he didn't blow up. Once he kicked our TV and it was one of those console types and threw my sons high chair just because I asked him "why, what or where was he". Something simple. We found out in the late years he was bi-polar and he was also an abusers who sexually abused our daughter. Talking to my many Ts I was also groomed as well as my daughter in a way. Not taking anything from what she experienced. But he was a narcissistic bi-polar a$$ hat. I was so young and naive.

Recently I had quit taking HRT which they had given me to help stop hormone fluctuations which some sever fluxes seem to cause more flashbacks. I quit cause it caused some other side affects that now idk if I shouldn't have stopped them. I haven't had these flashbacks like this in a long time. I've had disassociative episodes before where I didnt how I ended up where I was. I didnt know how I got there. Its weird.

Right now the depression is driving me crazy. I have lots to do. Cleaning house and laundry, I just have a real hard time getting going and sticking with it until its done. I'm really frustrated right now. I don't know how to overcome it.

Thank you for reading.
 

joeylittle

Administrator
Right now the depression is driving me crazy. I have lots to do. Cleaning house and laundry, I just have a real hard time getting going and sticking with it until its done. I'm really frustrated right now. I don't know how to overcome it.
I don't have anything to offer for this, except to say I really can empathize with where you're at. It's hard to get started, let alone finish, when depression is fogging everything up. Try and stay focused on just one thing at a time, that helps me sometimes, so I don't think about ALL the other things I need to get done, which will often grind me to a halt.

Hang in there.
 
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