someone help, i am falling apart. i just want to die, i feel like im dying

stranger2myself!

Policy Enforcement
i am falling apart. i cant do it anymore. i feel like im stuck deep in the depths of a black hole with no hope of ever being able to climb out. ever since i got with my ex its like this black cloud has been hovering over me. he was evil, more evil than i could ever imagine being with. i dont want to leave my room at all. ever. i feel like there was a demon attached to him and now its tries to attach itself to me and ruin my life. it does everything it can to torture me and make things go wrong, and make me anxious and depressed. ive seen it and heard it, it follows me around and makes me wish i was dead. i cant leave my room without having a panic attack because everything triggers me. if i go to the store and hear kids screaming, i want to smash my head through glass repeadetly and scream at the top of my lungs. if a door slams, i panic and cant think, cant even communicate or count. a bug phobia controls my life and im not allowed to step outside or even open the door because the bug might be there. my mom constanlty brings up the past and brings up my abusive ex. i feel like she wants me to feel pain for the rest of my life since i went out with him. i need to go to a pshyciatrist but lost my truck because of my ex. i cant leave without my own vehicle. people in my family have millions but ignore me when i ask for help. i shut everyone out of my life except for like 3 people. but i always feel like im a nusaince to them and feel like i bother them. i just want to die. i have mental meds at the pharmacy for me but cant walkl there without a panic attack. i feel like im dying. i just want to die but im not brave enough to shoot myself. i hate myself for not being brave enough to do it. help me. i feel like im at the end of my life. im gona die soon. i try to stay away from ppl cause i feel like my bad mood brings them down too. i dont even know anymore. i feel like im going completely insane. like im ruined, completely destroyed, broken, like the old me is dead. and without hope. help. what is happeneing to me
 

Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
Hiya @flamesandgasoline , I'm so sorry that your going through this. You sound really scared and quite frankly terrified. I think you need professional help. You must put yourself first and do whatever you can to get professional help. Speak to docters and/or crisis lines to get advice. If you need to lie to your family about it then do so. Keep posting on here because this is a safe place for you and you will get alot of support here. I also agree with @Annalyn78.

Sending you support and best wishes. S3.
 

Ronin

MyPTSD Pro
Can one of the 3 people, or all three of them, help you to the ER?

And pick up your meds with you?
Although it sounds like a trip to the ER would be warranted.

You are okay... demons can't get you. Promise. But you need to get yourself help. Hospitals are pretty safe places from demons, so many built on sacred grounds, that exes' demon ain't that powerful to follow you to the doctors.

Even if you were totally broken - big if - broken people can mend. But you need to get help by people who know how to.

Reminds me, hospitals usually have a pastor or a priest or alike services around... might help to tell the docs about anxiety, and sort the demon worries with clergy around?

You aren't going to die, every case.
 
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