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Something so wrong or so right? CB/CD in faith and spirituality

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FauxLiz

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I had an interesting conversation with my T this evening as I continue to try and establish a therapeutic relationship preparing to move forward and attempt CPT. Like pretty much every therapist in my area (bible belt with heavy emphasis on faith and spirituality) my therapist is trained in both secular and faith based therapy and integration in the process. Unless the client brings up faith this T doesn't use it in your session and my faith and spirituality well they have been tested in my life.

So this evening I asked how he could have faith in a higher power when he has to hear and hold the misery, pain and experiences of his clients every day. He promised me that he can take care of himself and that I don't need to worry (which I do because I always try to protect others from myself). But eventually the conversation turned to the question that has haunted me most of my life which is the greatest challenge to my faith. It was this question that brought me here tonight. The only place that I could presume to place this thread under core beliefs/cognitive distortions.

My core belief has always been to question what it was that I did so wrong at such a young age that God decided to punish me and create my own personal hell on earth to live through. I have discussed this in the past with theological scholars and never had an answer that I could accept. My T this evening though turned my question around on me and asked "Have you ever considered what you did so right that Satan feels you are a threat?" This really threw me for a loop, I have never had anyone take my doubt, fear and anger as it relates to faith and make me truly question my question.

So I guess other than wondering if anyone else here has had a similar belief/distortion and even if not what do you think of his version of the question? It has really got thinking and stewing on the idea.
 
what it was that I did so wrong at such a young age that God decided to punish me and create my own personal hell on earth to live through.
I would strongly suggest that you have done absolutely nothing wrong.
That nothing you possibly could have done would mean that you have "deserved" the bad things that have come your way and things you have had to fight through.

No.
Life can be cruel and unfair, but it also does not discriminate; bad things can happen to even the most 'good' people on Earth.

The awful things that have happened to you are not your fault. And you are not the person to blame.
 
Logically speaking of course - it is hard to resist, can you see a child doing anything to get experience like yours? any child?
My second comment is I LOVED THIS QUOTE:
"Have you ever considered what you did so right that Satan feels you are a threat?"

To me it feels you see your experience as hell but maybe you have not found the reason yet.
I am not religious person at all but I have asked myself that same or similar question so often and now recently I came up with that I needed to develop a lot of empathy in order to help others. I needed to experience so deep and low of breaking the spirits in order to hold others pain. Without my pain, I would never truly deeply understand others pain and feel love that deep! this is my story.

I think you should try your best (if not already doing it) to find your calling and I honestly feel deep inside it has something to do helping others.

This is my take and I am sorry you really experienced so much pain to carry on for so long.
 
I think I like this T. LOL I had a couple friends who used to reframe things that way.

What kind of God would punish a child, any child, with a horrible life? I could believe in a God like that, but I couldn't follow one like that. Whatever accounts for all the misery in the world, it's not a just and honorable God.
 
I agree with @scout86 . I think evil, sorrow, hatred- such things are not from God or loving hearts- maybe sick ones, and often mean ones, or any other combination of horror and such energies or choices.

No the abuse is not your fault. And going by how ill the others were or weren't, not their's entirely either- but definitely their responsibility and their actions or choices horrific ones.

I know only this: a couple of times I was trying to do something good, a 'good' or healthy choice, anti-SI etc, I on occasion have met with a resistance or obstacles out of the blue that were ridiculous, even to me (and something I noticed before, and talked to my mom about). For example, a wind that came up gale-force, it was all I could do to walk- I recall hanging on to the brick corner of a building. But oddly, when I did complete what I set out to, maybe 1/2 hour later, I came out and there was- nothing, zero wind.

Which could be just coincidence, except being so strange, I've paid attention to both when I have great obstacles, and what is there or not when I do something healthier for me, re grave things. And yep- it is not so strange it occurs to me now, in so far it's happened more than once. Why, I can only wonder.

But yes, I do believe in good, and evil, and a HP I would call God, but that is based on my choice, what I've experienced, and what I've seen doing 2 decades of palliative care. For whatever that's worth, or biases me. I still can't deny it though. Even with (or especially with) a science-inclined-mind.
 
find your calling
Grit I do believe that I have found my calling and while some of the organizations that I have worked in have been toxic generally most are not and what I do impacts people positively every day.

Whatever accounts for all the misery in the world, it's not a just and honorable God.
That is the thing @scout86 I don't believe a just and honorable God perpetrates the conditions that promote misery in this world but he allows it to happen so I struggle with absolving him from involvement.

I do believe in good, and evil, and a HP I would call God, but that is based on my choice, what I've experienced,
@Junebug I am not saying I don't believe in God my struggle is how can a kind, loving & merciful God that is capable of anything and everything allow the things that he does?

I was brought up christian, I have spent years studying my faith, seeking answers, solace, forgiveness, unconditional love but my biggest question still remains why? Why me, why anyone that has been abused and/or traumatized, why does he allow it to happen and why does he allow some to be abused/traumatized multiple times? So I go back to it must be something about me, something I did/do wrong that either continues to/or caused me to incur God's wrath. And if it's not that if it was a bet a between God and Satan like in the book of Job than how can I believe in/have faith in such a fickle creature?
 
hello. I am not going to read any other responses. For some reason, I'm one of those people that people feel safe enough to start telling me their "secrets" and past traumas. I do not counsel nor do I offer advice. I only listen. This has happened to me over and over since I was in elementary school. I have no idea why, and share this as a little background. So I have had many people tell me horrific stuff that happened to them as kids, teens, and adults. And I sit there and listen and "look" and can honestly say that I can "see" these are powerful people with stellar qualities that they bring to the world, and I almost always think as I watch them that the enemy of their soul has tried hard as hell to take them out because of what they carry.

For example this morning I met a young woman and her story makes me at first think what is up G-d? Don't you care about this woman (girl?) Why did you let this happen to her repeatedly?! but the whole time she was telling me this crazy, crazy story I was looking at her and I just kept seeing her as a Warrior Princess. I could not shake this image of her as a Warrior Princess. I thought (and ended up saying), "Man, I think you are just the chick to yield a sword and take this enemy out!" At one point she said, I'm thinking of writing a book, and it blurted out of me, Yes! write the book! there is an enemy of people's soul out there and you need do some damage to it's territory! I have no idea if that helps or not, but that's what I thought when I read your post.
 
Logically speaking of course - it is hard to resist, can you see a child doing anything to get experience like yours? any child?
My second comment is I LOVED THIS QUOTE:


To me it feels you see your experience as hell but maybe you have not found the reason yet.
I am not religious person at all but I have asked myself that same or similar question so often and now recently I came up with that I needed to develop a lot of empathy in order to help others. I needed to experience so deep and low of breaking the spirits in order to hold others pain. Without my pain, I would never truly deeply understand others pain and feel love that deep! this is my story.

I think you should try your best (if not already doing it) to find your calling and I honestly feel deep inside it has something to do helping others.

This is my take and I am sorry you really experienced so much pain to carry on for so long.
I love that, thank you.
 
I have spent years studying my faith, seeking answers, solace, forgiveness, unconditional love but my biggest question still remains why? Why me, why anyone that has been abused and/or traumatized, why does he allow it to happen and why does he allow some to be abused/traumatized multiple times? So I go back to it must be something about me, something I did/do wrong that either continues to/or caused me to incur God's wrath. And if it's not that if it was a bet a between God and Satan like in the book of Job than how can I believe in/have faith in such a fickle creature?
These are questions I think everyone struggles with @FauxLiz , you are not alone in that. Idk of course, but I only consider it this way, in referring to the same questions as above, though it's only MHO:

If God or a HP is indeed the only entity that is 'good'-that has a heart and nature which chooses only love, is truly unconditionally loving and forgiving, yet just, and yet that gives mankind (who has a very deceitful heart, capable of great harm and neglect against it's fellow man and the Earth) free will - the choice to choose between what is loving and what is harmful, including total free choice to believe in or love God and one another, ultimately it becomes a battle between what each individual chooses. Which is, I realize, a very different question than whether or not God strives to bring good out of evil.

I realize by the above ^^, it can sound like God is impotent or just does damage control, or maybe doesn't care less. I don't think it's any of the above, though it can feel God is absent. If we take God out of the equation, we are left with the acts of the humans involved, their choices. We see who looked away, too. Not to say any of those people weren't at some point moved to do something (or stop doing it), but ultimately it didn't happen. Which may be what they meant when they coined the term the pathway to Hell is paved with good intentions.

One thing I don't think, is that 'God' has any wrath at the abused, or is testing anyone. The only test becomes, despite what I've lived, or struggled with, let me not lose faith that such destruction is a reflection of God's nature or desires. It's an example of man's. And holding on for God's timing or trusting how and what God will respond with, is the challenge.

But how can anyone, if God or a HP exists, begin to imagine how God thinks? We credit ourselves with our understanding being all there is to be known. But we don't even possess a heart that always chooses love, and selflessness, and tenderness. We are conditional, we can't grasp it. We try to make sense of something much bigger than we think we have full understanding of, yet we rarely know even everything about ourselves, certainly not others, and never the future. It's sort of a question of trust, to me. And overcoming (or not) what life has shown me that is the 'proof' of my lack of worth, or God's lack of love or care.

A relative of mine once said, free will was the mistake. But there can't be love either, without freedom to choose it. If evil didn't exist, would love be easy or easier to choose, for everyone? Idk. I suspect it would/ could be. Because love does no harm.

One thing we do know, is that every decision we make, and even when that is taken away from us, affects what we think, who we become, and where we will be at any given moment in our lives. Even the number of groceries we remember to buy, and our time in line will alter where we will be at a given moment 10 or 20 minutes later! Who we will meet, or not. What we may avoid- and never know.

I recall they released a roll summary after 9/11, that said 77% of employees never made it in to work, or were delayed arriving that day. It doesn't change it occurred though, I know. :(
 
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