Mountainchickxo
New Here
Hello,
I am really, really hurting right now, I feel so alone, and have no one to reach out to in this moment. I guess I am needing validation or compassion.
I am 9 weeks postpartum from having the sweetest little boy, and as if that isn't hard on it's own; I have debilitating ptsd. I do not have postpartum depression, I've been to all my appointments and been honest with everyone, fyi. But I am still off all meds to nurse, but am cutting back to eventually be done in 2 weeks, as much as it hurts my heart, it's time. Time to simplify things and also get back on psych meds.
Anyhow, last night my husband told me he was going to get 100% custody of the baby due to my PTSD, if I left him. I had gone into a trigger as he had started to get a harsh and loud tone with me... 230am, baby in my arms, and I was expressing (quietly), how I cannot handle him being mean to me in moments of frustration.
Ps. My mind really struggles to explain things properly; the right words escape me most of the time, but I will try my best.
Anyhow, it turned into him leaving on foot out the front door, slamming it. But before he left, he managed to yell at me, put me down in horrible ways, and as you know, threatened to take my newborn from me. And I was in a trigger during this. He really hurt my heart so bad, and I had to work very hard to come "out of the dark". I then had the baby by myself the rest of the night, and all day today, minus 3 hrs my mom came over to hold him while I pumped and talked with her.
He is back now and honestly I'm scared to see him, hear him, speak with him. There's no apology, everything is ignored. If I say anything to him about how I feel he will cut me off and say, "what about me?". Which, yes he does matter... it's just, well, I'm in an extremely vulnerable state, and at very high risk for postpartum depression, and triggers.
We have a therapist that we were going to together right before baby came, and I scheduled him for tomorrow.
If I would have known he was capable of verbally/psychologically/emotionally abusing me, especially in my state, and even more IN triggers... I wouldn't be here. But here I am.
Any words of strength or encouragement i would greatly appreciate... beyond measure.
I need to be ok for this precious, innocent little human. I'm doing my best, but to him, I'm just "pumping milk" and that's all. My heart, it hurts so badly.
Much love to any reader xoxo
I am really, really hurting right now, I feel so alone, and have no one to reach out to in this moment. I guess I am needing validation or compassion.
I am 9 weeks postpartum from having the sweetest little boy, and as if that isn't hard on it's own; I have debilitating ptsd. I do not have postpartum depression, I've been to all my appointments and been honest with everyone, fyi. But I am still off all meds to nurse, but am cutting back to eventually be done in 2 weeks, as much as it hurts my heart, it's time. Time to simplify things and also get back on psych meds.
Anyhow, last night my husband told me he was going to get 100% custody of the baby due to my PTSD, if I left him. I had gone into a trigger as he had started to get a harsh and loud tone with me... 230am, baby in my arms, and I was expressing (quietly), how I cannot handle him being mean to me in moments of frustration.
Ps. My mind really struggles to explain things properly; the right words escape me most of the time, but I will try my best.
Anyhow, it turned into him leaving on foot out the front door, slamming it. But before he left, he managed to yell at me, put me down in horrible ways, and as you know, threatened to take my newborn from me. And I was in a trigger during this. He really hurt my heart so bad, and I had to work very hard to come "out of the dark". I then had the baby by myself the rest of the night, and all day today, minus 3 hrs my mom came over to hold him while I pumped and talked with her.
He is back now and honestly I'm scared to see him, hear him, speak with him. There's no apology, everything is ignored. If I say anything to him about how I feel he will cut me off and say, "what about me?". Which, yes he does matter... it's just, well, I'm in an extremely vulnerable state, and at very high risk for postpartum depression, and triggers.
We have a therapist that we were going to together right before baby came, and I scheduled him for tomorrow.
If I would have known he was capable of verbally/psychologically/emotionally abusing me, especially in my state, and even more IN triggers... I wouldn't be here. But here I am.
Any words of strength or encouragement i would greatly appreciate... beyond measure.
I need to be ok for this precious, innocent little human. I'm doing my best, but to him, I'm just "pumping milk" and that's all. My heart, it hurts so badly.
Much love to any reader xoxo