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Spouse of Iraq Veteran with PTSD

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by waggyloo, May 3, 2007.

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  1. waggyloo

    waggyloo New Member

    Hi, I was searching for some interactive forum to discuss PTSD issues with others and WAA LAA, I found this forum. I am glad. Here is a not so brief synopsis of the last few years.

    My husband and I have been married for about 2 1/2 years...dated for about 6 years before taking the leap. Exactly one week after we were married, he left to train with the unit he was "cross-leveled" (but later found out he volunteered) to in a different state. We saw each other twice briefly before he left, on our first visit I found out that I was pregnant with a wedding night baby and then for Thanksgiving. He left for Kuwait Christmas Day of 2004 and was on the ground in Iraq in mid-January 2005. We kept in contact several times a week and in June 2005 he was able to come home for the birth of our son for two weeks. It was incredible to have him with me, but also was my first indication of the problems to come. After his return to Iraq (primarly Ramadi - Anbar) he called DAILY if he could...wanting to know how his son was and how I was getting along. Throughout his deployment we dreamed of the future...moving out of the suburbs and back to his small town he grew up in...a nice place in the country to have some peace.

    He returned in December 2005 (I think I am still waiting for HIM to return) and two weeks later started a job in that small town we dreamed of...we lived apart for another 4 months as I stayed to sell our house and he stayed in our rustic cabin (no plumbing..wood heat...no place for baby). We saw each other on the weekends and had problems. He said it was the stress of not being together, adjusting to civilian life, etc... Finally the house sold and in April 2006, I left my home state, a very good job, friends and relatives and moved to the country with my husband and son to fulfill the dreams that brought us through his deployment.

    He sought help in the summer and was diagnosed with depression/PTSD, prescribed an anti-depressant and saw a counselor 4 times that was paid for by the military. He decided to stop seeing the counselor, stop taking his medication, and increase his method of self medication (marijuana). Recently he revisited counseling and medication and we are seeing a counselor together as well. Two days ago he told me he is moving out in 4 days to live at the cabin indefinately. He said he cannot recover or heal with me around. We are very different and he no longer appreciates my type B personality. There are many details between the lines, but I have already written too much...more will come later I suppose.

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  3. Marilyn_S

    Marilyn_S Well-Known Member

    Dear Waggy,

    It sounds like you have been through quite a bit yourself. I am glad you are here. As a carer of someone with PTSD it can be a very tough road. I have PTSD from childhood abuse and I know it has been very hard on both my husband and my children, but they remain a wonderful support. You are in the right place to find both information and support for both you and your husband. If you have time you might check out the information section of the forum. It has lots of good information and resources for PTSD and family members of those with PTSD. There is also a section of the forum for carers you might want to check out. I wish you well. Peace, comfort, and joy be with you.

    Marilyn S.
  4. wildcritter44

    wildcritter44 Active Member



    Welcome! My hubby is a Gulf vet & has PTSD. Some days are good, Some days are not so good. Some days are just plain HELL!

    My hubby is on meds. He doesn't like it, but is staying on them. This is helping.

    :crybaby:This is difficult to say... The man you loved and watched go to war, came back changed forever. Good, bad, or indifferent, but difinitely changed. Just like you are different, you're a mom now. Neither of you can go back.

    I have heard many stories about spouses not able to cope living with their
    spouses or families upon return. The things they have see and/or had to do to survive leaves them with many feelings: "I'm unloveable" or "I don't deserve to be loved" or "I am afraid I might hurt you --accidently" or and the list goes on.
    As you will learn here unfortunately for all of us especially those with the PTSD there is no "quick fix." I truly wish I could say or do something anything that would help you.

    Here you can write whatever, vent, ask questions, get info, etc.

    Single most important thing I can think of is: YOU ARE NOT ALONE !

    I know that doesn't help you much. If you would like to talk feel free to PM (private message) me. If you haven't learned about it check top box next to log in/log out it's user cp.

    Take Care
  5. anthony

    anthony Silently Watching Founder

    Hi Waggy, welcome to the forum. Your husband is using typical PTSD pressures in order to push anyone that loves them away, to avoid causing them further pain. Basically, he can't say it, so he just actions things that shouldn't be actioned, or are not his right alone to action.

    I would actually have to back him not taking his medication, instead opting for pot, as it is a safer alternative, trust me on that one, to medication. Anti-depressants make most people depressed and suicidal... go figure. Pot doesn't... instead it helps relieve the anxiety.

    Are his choices correct? Don't know... only you and he know the answers to that.
  6. Sherry1014

    Sherry1014 New Member

    What about contacting a Vet Center counselor? Someone who knows what it's like to go to war and return a changed person. My husband is a Viet Nam War veteran and the VFW has helped him tremendously.
  7. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

    Sherry that is great, a good VFW story is very rare. Good for your spouse.
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