Starting To Date With Did (dissociative Identity Disorder)?

Status
Not open for further replies.

mytai

MyPTSD Pro
Does anyone have any advice about starting to date with DID? I haven't really dated at all except briefly and never said anything to my partner at the time.

At what point do you share the DID diagnosis with your partner? Do you warn them in the first few months? Wait until things are more serious? Just share a brief synopsis of abuse history? Any and all advice would be appreciated. I will be asking our therapist about this in the next little while, but I want some advice from others who actually have DID, not just treat it.
 

Anarchy

MyPTSD Pro
AFAIK, I don't experience parts to the extent of DID.
I did spend several years with someone who had a little girl alter who spoke with a child's voice.

At that time I thought she was being silly / childish

I'm not sure what I would have thought or done (thoughts precede actions!) if I'd known that she was actually in a 7 year old child state when she was talking like a child.

I wasn't at all knowledgeable about trauma or sympathetic to psychological stuff back then. I don't think I'd have dumped her, and I probably would have been more sympathetic when I knew that she wasn't just pissing about with silly voices when there were serious things to get on with.

I also wish I'd known so I could actually engage with the alter - games of tig, colouring books, bring one of the furry animals (we had lots of those) in for her etc.

I wouldn't know how or when breaking the news would be best. I'm thinking earlier rather than later - so perhaps four or five dates in from when things turned serious?

I'm not aware of any sympathetic short stories that could be used.
 

Thizette

Confident
I share my various diagnoses (not DID) pretty early. If it's going to scare someone off, I want it to happen before I'm attached to them, because I don't need unsupportive people in my life. I would say to do it as soon as you think you want to be serious with someone.
 

shimmerz

MyPTSD Pro
Mixed on this one. I tend to draw in people who don't think twice about taking advantage of others. Having DID (or DDNOS) can make one VERY vulnerable to others. Even something as simple as a disagreement can lead another to attack using the 'you aren't credible' or (especially with DID), 'you absolutely did say that', or other gaslighting strategies against you.

I dealt with this, back in the day when I was dating, by dating people that I knew were not going to be serious relationships. No muss, no fuss. What do you want out of this relationship? Are you hoping it will be long term? Are you well enough to be able to judge the character of another person reasonably well? These are the questions I would ask myself first.
 

mytai

MyPTSD Pro
What do you want out of this relationship? Are you hoping it will be long term? Are you well enough to be able to judge the character of another person reasonably well?
I'm hoping for a long term relationship out of this. We don't take dating lightly, and don't get into it without that intention in mind. Granted not all work out that way, but I usually have that discussion right off the bat when things start moving on from just friendship and let the other person know that I'm looking for long-term. I go by gut feelings, and I also introduce them to a few friends who's opinions I trust and get their thoughts.
 

EveHarrington

MyPTSD Pro
While I'm definitely open to something serious, I view this knowledge about my PTSD as privileged information. Someone must show me that they're trustworthy before I share my diagnosis with them. I think that it's not really a good idea to share too soon because there is a lot of misinformation and stigma about mental disorders and we risk being judged based on public perception/fear instead of being considered as a 360 degree individual who happens to have a particular struggle. But-----waiting too long isn't advisable either as the other person deserves to know well before they've made a life commitment. I do not have DID myself. I have a PTSD diagnosis.
 

Powder

MyPTSD Pro
With DID or DDNOS, I think take it slower and be friends longer, really get to know this person.

For me, taking the extra time gave time for the various parts of me to have a chance to weigh in on the person.

Trust your insights. If you have a strong feeling that this person is being honest or is well-intended, then ask them at what point they think they will be ready to have a frank discussion of what kinds of things they'd be needing to know about if heading into a long-term relationship.

Did you ever see the film Magnolia? I like the scene when the young woman discloses her struggles as an incest survivor with drug addiction and lack of support from her mother. The cop she is dating seems to see that she's being honest with him, and he himself has his own struggles, so he is attracted even more to her for being honest and vulnerable, which took guts.

You gotta be brave when it comes to love. You have to be prepared to pull out if it's not going to work in your favor, with your DID in mind. You need someone who is going to love you, all of you, even when "you" gets hazy.
 

Bubblegirl

Learning
I'm hoping for a long term relationship out of this. We don't take dating lightly, and don't get into it...
I had not dated anyone that I shared my DID diagnosis with, until I met my current partner. After about 4 months, I did, because an alter was integrating and he knew I was struggling but of course assumed it was something he had done. He was unexpectedly both understanding and supportive about it, and that was a year ago and we are still together. I guess it has to be the right person. I could and would never have shared those things with anyone before him. I was married for 25 years to someone who never knew. A large part of why we divorced was his response that I should just ACT NORMAL when I told him of my abusive past, PTSD and DID, because I wanted to get into therapy.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top