State dependent body memories

StillPen

Confident
Does anyone experience this? If so, any specific techniques work for you?

I am dealing with body memories on a daily basis that are debilitating. The weird thing is, the more grounding I do and thus the more present I become, the more intense the body memories become. There is no pain involved, they are arrousal based. If I am happy and excited about my day, an upcoming event, etc., body memories. If I am sad, processing, grieving, anxious about anything, body memories. It is unrelenting. Where I can feel it on my body is based on which trauma that happened (trauma over a stretch of years, and one from an assault). If they are too intense, I dissociate and/or switch from part to part (DID), until I've rapid switched so much I just have to go to bed and sleep it off. If I do anything to alleviate the arrousal/body memories by myself, I feel horribly guilty, like I'm re-traumatizing myself to get physical relief. If I try to alleviate them with my husband, I start having flashbacks and switch to my littles (SO not good). I have talked to my T and we've done some CBT work on it but nothing seems to be helping. My parts are in this place where they have processed most of what they do remember, but know there are more details they (and I) do not remember and are afraid of remembering (they've journaled about it), so I feel confident that is playing a part in all of this. Before therapy, I just thought I got arroused at very strange times, but now recognize that they are body memories. If any of you can relate and have any suggestions, I would really appreciate the feedback.
 

Freddyt

MyPTSD Pro
For the pain side - yup. Almost every day at some point it tries to sneak back in. It's not real but in some states it can get real ugly. Because anything that stresses for anything can set it off and sometimes its a self feeding loop - more stress- more ouch. That's when I just knock myself out....

Hyperarousal - Its been there since the trauma. I learned 9 months ago what it was from my therapist. It belongs to me and my PTSD and not my wife and our relationship. Love and affection for my partner and hyperarousal are two separate things, trying to mix them is like mixing oil and water. It's always two separate things and even when mixed together its two separate things. It always ends up that after all the shaking is done it goes back to being oil and water. Then you end up caught in the turmoil as the two separate. That's where PTSD sticks its nose in. All that swirling and feelings - OVERLOAD TIME, PTSD time. Quite frankly, my partner doesn't need to deal with that.

So, talk to your partner frankly. Keep the oil and water separate. Create a euphamism and your own space for your alone time to help keep it separate. Throw away your guilt, your shame, and your embarrassment. No one ever mentioned PTSD or Hyperarousal in any bible or health class film I have ever seen. If there were instructions on how to deal with it from those sources then you could follow them, but there are not. Dealing with hyperarousal is part of dealing with PTSD. Nothing more nothing less.
 
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