Sufferer Storm chaser, profound grief, abuse, assault, sexual assault, miscarriage following assault.

YuYu2022

New Here
Hello, my name is Yulia. I have a very active lifestyle, I am a meteorologist and storm chaser, I live with my mother and two dogs, Ruby, a rescued red Shepard mix and Mocha, A German Shepard who just turned five months, though my life seems good now, it wasn't always that been since it seemed since I was a teenager there have been more trauma and death.

It started when I was 14, on the brink of High School when my beloved father, who encouraged me to chase storm in the first place and who I was very close to, passed away from breast cancer metastasized to his bones, and that turned my life upside down, and even today I still miss him deadly.

The worst was when I was in High School, where I was in an abusive relationship, my abuser was abusive physically, where he would beat me senseless, to rape and sexual assault to emotional abuse, he threatened me by holding a knife to my throat at school, he would control everything that I did, and sometimes I feel like he still is because I am so afraid, but that is not the worst thing he's done to me.

In October of 2012, I found out I was pregnant, with a baby girl, and when I read the little test strip in the stalls of the school bathroom I had to hold onto the hooks at the back of the door to the stall to steady myself as I felt the tears streak and stream down my face because I knew just how angry he can get, and I knew that he would not take to the news well, so I kept it a complete secret, from my friends and family and was left to struggle on my own, but I had a plan. I was only seventeen at the time, getting an abortion in the state of Illinois requires one parental signature, but I didnt want to anger my mother or let alone explain to her that this isn't my fault, and there was no way that I could possibly keep the baby, but I was adopted at birth, and I know how much parents wished they had kids but cant, like with my parents, so I decided to go through the pregnancy, but to put her up for adoption, preferably out of state, and honestly, it didnt sit right with me to even consider an abortion, why would I punish my daughter for something her father did?

Rumors began to circulate with the rest of the band that I was expecting, until one day he stormed into my practice room and took me by the neck and slammed me against the wall before he began to beat me until my whole body was black and blue, and then he violently kicked my stomach over, and over, and over again until I had enough, and I slammed his head through the window of the door. A few days later, I started having horrible, horrible pelvic pain that felt like a knife turning inside of me, until I got up from my bed only to find a massive pool of blood where I was sitting, soaked through my pants and underwear and onto the sheets, I ran to the bathroom only to lose more blood over the course of hours in horrible pain, and that is when I lost her.

Now, its been nine years but I still struggle with the effects of my PTSD, in 2017 I got super depressed and anxious because of it so my mother and I got a dog, Ruby, which helped out a lot with the depression and anxiety, and now we have another one in training, both Ruby and Mocha have been my little angels because they know when I am upset, Ruby will do everything and anything to make me stop crying either that being her hiding under the covers of the bed to kissing me and even waking me up during nightmares, and Mocha goes crazy with the door to her crate like she wants out of there.

Even with two what I like to call them snuggle and cuddle therapists, I still struggle with intense flashbacks and nightmares to the point where it wakes the entire house up, and sometimes it seems like it can get too much, and I continue to struggle during those moments
 
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DharmaGirl

MyPTSD Pro
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I know how much parents wished they had kids but cant, like with my parents, so I decided to go through the pregnancy
This is so true! You are a kind and compassionate person to make a decision like this!
then he violently kicked my stomach over, and over, and over again
What an ass!! Killing his own child! You are so strong to have recovered some from this! I hear your pain and I'm glad you have Ruby. Therapy should help, as well as coming here. This website helped me at least as much as therapy.
 
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