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Stressful weeks/anniversary and feeling memories "awake" again...

Discussion in 'Sexual Assault' started by SeekingAfrica, May 31, 2018.

  1. SeekingAfrica

    SeekingAfrica Well-Known Member

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    I've been having a hard year that was tough almost all the time. Perhaps now it all got too much. So for a second time this month I feel memories sort of awake in me.

    I've been sexually abused/molested as a child(uhm...not sure what it's called, like, digital rape or whatever more than once). I've been raped once as an adult, 8 years ago almost to the date. Actually, I thought all this was coming up again because I was more stressed, but maybe it's the anniversary coming up too- it's in 10 days...

    But yeah...I've been depressed or anxious over the last year for different reasons. But as far as SA goes, I was a lot better. No nightmares, almost no flashbacks, a lot less touch-sensitivity. And then...last week I had few such days, and today was that way too. That feeling like every memory of when I went through is awaking, and I'm all vulnerable and hypervigilant and small. Moments of memories just going through me like a video, one after another with me frozen and unable to move. Being unable to fall asleep without watch TV until I can't keep my eyes open. Doing other things and still thinking about it. It's not as severe as last week, but it's here. Like something I need to say, to get out of myself, but I don't know what. I just know it's there, and I can't say it. Any advice or tips are appreciated, I know this is messy and badly written, but I feel like a mess and I feel like I need to share and I can't figure out how.

    Actually a month and some days, not 10 days- my mind really is a mess. For a moment I thought it was a different month...
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 31, 2018
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  3. 8888

    8888 I'm a VIP

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    Sorry to hear you are struggling. :hug: Any idea what triggered it?

    Oops, missed the anniversary part. My old therapist always said she believed in creating new traditions for anniversaries. Can you try to do something special for yourself?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 2, 2018
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