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Structural Dissociation - Psychotic 'part'

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shimmerz

MyPTSD Pro
ANP's, EP's, if you don't really get it about those this thread may not make a ton of sense - but if you feel like it bear with me. For those of us with Developmental Trauma we tend to split off into 1 or more ANP's and one or more EP's. This is a theory, yes, but it works for me. I am working with my EP's and along with that work am getting more to the gist of the matter. I am able to see 'facets' of myself. And one appeared this week VERY clearly. And I am attempting to tease her apart so that I can understand her more.

The thing is, she is triggered into psychosis I believe. No sense of reality what-so-ever. She completely loses it. She wants to die. She doesn't know how to die. She sees no other way out. I believe that she wants to die so badly that she 'develops' psychosomatic illnesses. Needless to say, this is a really difficult thing for me to fess up. Tough shit, but I think it is what is happening here. And I need to take it seriously. Because they are really serious illnesses. And they are happening. Alot. Does that make them psychosomatic?

Anyways, I am really asking here if anyone believes that there may possibly be a 'facet' of them that they get lost into that goes .... well psychotic. I mean, when I think of psychotic normally I think of someone who is not all there. I have these two certain triggers (I believe), that have me acting psychotic (my words, I haven't been diagnosed). I believe it to be true to me because there is NO sense of an ANP or the normal sense about me even when I dissociative. It is like this one stands on its own. Sorry if this doesn't make sense to people, but if it does to someone.....thoughts please?

Here is what Van der Hart has to say about it as far as SD goes. Maybe it rings a bell of some sort?

Onno van der Hart
Dissociative psychosis implies a division of the personality amendable by psychotherapy
Although Dissociative Psychosis (DP) is not not currently recognized as a formal diagnostic category or syndrome, specialists in the field of trauma-related dissociation have argued that doing so has great clinical value. Originally called hysterical psychosis, this syndrome has been documented in a number of traumatized patients with diagnoses ranging from posttraumatic stress disorder to dissociative identity disorder (DID). From the perspective of the theory of structural dissociation of the personality it has been proposed that for a psychotic disorder or episode to be recognized as DP, it should be embedded in a dissociation of the personality, and, by definition, dissociative symptoms should be present. Psychotic symptoms are dissociative in nature when they pertain to goal-directed actions or other important features of one or more emotional parts of the personality that the patient as apparently normal part of the personality can, therefore, not control. In this presentation the dissociative nature of DP will be described, as well as its various forms and ways of resolving the psychosis using psychotherapy (often including elements of hypnosis).
 
I get it.

My EP has demonstrated psychotic episodes as described by my T. But not for a very long time.

I feel that my ANP is in executive control for the most part. I know it won't last forever, but I am hopeful the EP will not need psychosis again. It is very hard to deal with and even harder to explain. When my T said to me 'the psychosis will pass' I was horrified as I had no idea that is what it was called. But he was right. It passed and for the most part has stayed away. New stresses are always a risk but I am getting better at recognising catastrophe before it hits.
 
ANP - Apparently Normal Person (the one who raises the kids, goes to work, school, washes the car, keeps the house clean)
EP - The one who is invested in a past regressive traumatic emotional state (flight, fight freeze, fawn behaviours)

The idea is that the ANP 'keeps it together' and that there are perhaps several EP's that relate specifically to certain triggers. I may have one EP who reacts to abandonment very strongly, another that feels that a raised voice means death, etc.

Does that help at all?
 
Psychosis is loss of contact with reality. Was that the case for you?
Yes, when reading back on my diary Born, and I think specifically about the incident where I was locked out of a house and went to my car in the sweltering heat - I had options. I could have waited in the chair, I could have texted, I could have gone out again. Instead I crawled into a car and curled up. I see that as not having a grip on reality. Would love it if someone could challenge me on that but I am going to say that I was not grounded at ALL in reality in that case. And there are more.

It seems that that EP has no sense of the reality of the situation. I could just be over reacting, but when I saw Van der Harts work on this, it kinda makes sense to me.

Clearly not looking for a diagnosis - just thoughts or whether anyone else can relate at all.
 
It makes sense.

In my experience with this sort of thing, we sort it as if with outside people, depending on how badly is a state of one person spilling over to another/everyone and how much it's a risk for my whole perception of reality, and to whom of people is my perception danger ((I tend to hold back really, really a lot when on edge or in psychoses, so it's the time I'm not likely to act on impulses. It's not getting help that's messing with me, because if psychotic, I'm unchecked paranoid & paranoia's personal mess on the top of personal messes to not share. Also my perception of pain goes seriously sideways so the correct bits of it I have left wouldn't get addressed. Not a good combo. Cough.))

So make sure you've got basics reachable (food, water, medication, as safe places to be as possible, the like), make sure you've got at least a minimum support network who can watch out for you if things get worse, access to medical care (I knoow, that shit's tough) before processing. Don't dig deeper unless you're sure you (whole/body) will be at least remotely keeping it together (enough that you won't cause yourself serious injury or death in the process).

Brings me to other thought - you said 'no sense of reality whatsoever' - but what you described IS a sense of reality, a reality of the trauma and being stuck in it, that it doesn't apply to right now is a different thing. I'd be working on making communication bridges with that part. (Sort of 'I've got the now and you let me cover it, listen to me when I say we're at a different point hence safe, and heyy I'm here and listening. What you feel is real and is bad but we're at XYZ different point now'. Establishing communication and as clear channels as possible before working on what's causing current distress.).

Also, we (lmao this switching singular/plural is a mess linguistically, sorry!) have different set-ups for when fine with reality and when psychotic, differing needs to ground, so maybe if you can get the differences I'd try to keep it in mind?

And one other thing: The goal isn't to have reality marching in with non-psychotic people' reality. The goal is stability and happiness.
 
It's not getting help that's messing with me, because if psychotic, I'm unchecked
Yes.
make sure you've got at least a minimum support network who can watch out for you if things get worse, access to medical care
Yes, got it. Very good, thank you.
Don't dig deeper unless you're sure you (whole/body) will be at least remotely keeping it together (enough that you won't cause yourself serious injury or death in the process).
Very helpful thank you.
I'd be working on making communication bridges with that part.
That would be my diary and this thread. I wouldn't have had a good grip on how bad it was if I hadn't read back in my diary.
Establishing communication and as clear channels as possible before working on what's causing current distress.
Thank you. Will do my best with this. Unfortunately my ANP doesn't know what the f*ck she is doing right now and can't seem to keep the EP safe in both of their humble opinions. The EP is less humble ;-)
differing needs to ground, so maybe if you can get the differences I'd try to keep it in mind?
Beautiful thank you! Yes.
The goal is stability and happiness.
Smart. Very smart.

Well done posting @Cashew, thank you so very much.
 
Sure, it was clear not to look for diagnosis; this was just a question, as it seems the core of psychosis. I relate to it in that during several sessions in which the pain seemed so unbearable, it felt in my head like I was totally losing it, there was so much pain in my head that my head almost burst. It was the pain from the EP that caused this. I called it psychotic for myself then, and felt if only one more thing will add on to this, I am going to the other side of non-reality. I remember you wrote somewhere in capital letters "only one more thing". The session I had with ripping my face off was one of these, and after my therapist interpreted this in that facial muscles are so closely linked to the social engagement system (Porges) that the pain of not being able to either interpret the monster nor use my facial muscles in a normal way from birth, must cause this excruciating pain.
 
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I've only got a minute before I have to leave.... (or I'll be late....again) and you know I struggle with this "parts" stuff. BUT,... crawling into the car doesn't seem "psychotic" to me, exactly. It's something a child might do though. Some "part" of you felt that shelter was necessary. The car IS shelter. It's just not GOOD shelter on a hot day, in the sun. That seems more like a poor choice than an irrational choice. "Psychotic", to me, would be more something like deciding to go for a walk with the Tooth Fairy, since you had nothing better to do and she promised purple unicorns. (And we all know unicorns don't actually come in purple. Do they? :confused:)
 
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