struggling at moment with doubts and needing validation

I am in therapy for the complex trauma issues related to the abuse. I am partcularly struggling with validation and trying to shut down these thoughts and voices in my mind telling me that the abuse was too trivial to be causing me this much distress and it is time I moved on.

My father abused me, mostly mentally and verbally and occasionally with violence but much of the time it was more a threat of violence. Also used gaslighting, belittling, intimidation, and withdrawing affectionand love. He was unstable and paranoid- w enever knew whether we would get hte nice version of dad or the horrible one or the indifferent and withdrawn one.


There have been some relly horrific incidences of his cruelty eg threatening my sister and mother with knives and him punishing me physically for struggling with schoolwork due to a mild learning disability but I feel that others have had it worse. My upbringoing was very religious- my father believed self pity (so any expression of emotional pain) was a sin and he would belittle my sufferings constantly.

i suffer with OCD and BPD, which a told is part of the complex trauma- an overlap of symptoms esp with BPD, anxiety, dissociation, panic, somatic symptoms, shame, fear, self hate, self harm, obsessive and compulisve behaviour, addictions, self doubt. I tend to have issues trusting people and socially isolate msyelf. I did also suffer bad bullying at my primary school and some milder bullying at secondary and some incidents of sexual abuse from different people at different points of my childhood. i also tend towards numbness, like an empty void inside. For as long as i have remembered, I have used food as a way to fill this void. Even as a child I used to hoard food and binge on it. I still struggle although I have been attending Overeaters Anonymous for 4 years.

my sister too has gone from years of denial about our father to accepting we were abused but sometimes she goes back and forth as well. this self doubt is very pernicious. My therapist is wiling to help me but has said I need to overcome this before am ready to go deeper into recovery. It is a huge block. I feel tha tnothing is impossible with God (hope am allowed to mention that) but one of my hurdles is i feel even God has doubs and doesnt like me much.

I just need a way to get over this conditioning and brainwashing I feel my father put me under.
 

ladee

MyPTSD Pro
How is your Therapist helping you get past denial? It's not really something we 'get over'. It pops its head up in my life at times, and I know what my history is.

We often feel our issues are not important enough, bad enough, complicated enough when we hear others stories. It does not invalidate what we experienced.

I can validate the doubt. Others here can too. But would like to see how your T is helping you with this. It takes a village sometimes. Collectively, we can help each other.
 
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