• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

Struggling to find a reason to go on

Status
Not open for further replies.

EveHarrington

MyPTSD Pro
I’m really struggling right now.

Every day it’s just forcing myself to put one foot in front of the other.

And right now it’s just so hard.

I’m in my 30’s and I have nothing to show for it.

I can’t maintain relationships.

I can’t see living the rest of my life alone.

Having accomplished nothing.

There have been jumpers here as of late and I think it would be so easy. Just one foot in front of the other.

:(
 
Hi Eve....
I am sorry you are feeling so down! I had a bad spell last year....looking back now I am shocked at how different right now is...for the better.

Things can change fast...it doesn't sound like much but its worth holding on that change does happen. I have 20 yrs on you...and 30's seem so young now. Perspective is a funny thing.

You have time...I really believe that for change to happen. I believe it for me! I have no friends, no relationship and I feel like a failure in some ways but I've been a good person. I know that.

I volunteer now...take care of wounded animals. It means something. It may "just" be an animal but it counts.

I know how dismal it can all seem...I had some strokes of genuine random bad luck and the timing was comical if not just so gut wrenching.

But here I am and it is in the past now. I don't think of it much at all anymore.

I don't want to come across as trite but I truly believe you have time. It is brutal hard at times but worth holding on...making some changes perhaps. I reached a point where I felt I had nothing else left to lose. So I took a few "plunges" and it was beyond worth it.

A good nights sleep, a walk in the sun can do wonders. I did this...just went to a nearby park every evening. I forced myself. Took a pad sometimes and wrote what I hated in my life...and tore them up or burned them. I also wrote what I hoped for...just small things to start.

And here I am....so much happened in less than a years time I can hardly believe it.

I am stronger these days and I wish I could reach out and take some of your burden and give you a break for a bit. I really do.

Hang on...its worth it as are you.

Wishing you well,

Whirlwind
 
I hear you. Sometimes it really is a struggle. I'm struggling too, not as much with depression these days, more like my chronic anxiety. It's hard and sometimes I want to give up as well. The important is though not to give up. Even tho we sometimes forget about the forward leaps me make, we progress anyhow, sometimes it really has to get worse to get any better in the long run. My therapy sessions help me rebuild my broken 'trust system', but since it was corrupted early on in my life, it really takes a long time, much effort and many sessions. Also many downfalls. But each time we get through a rough time, we grow a little stronger and wiser. I'm sure you'll feel the same way eventually. We are here for you. Just wanted to let you know that!

Keep fighting, you are worth it!
 
@EveHarrington I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I can really relate to what you're going through also.

I’m in my 30’s and I have nothing to show for it.
Yesterday I wrote a post about my tremor. I was so nervous, as many people in the past have made me feel weird, or different, for having the condition.
But not you. You encouraged me to live fabulously like Katherine Hepburn. You made me feel accepted.
Maybe you are unable to see 'something to show for your age', but I do. I see an incredibly kind, supportive and compassionate human being. There are so many people on this earth who lack those qualities, we need more Eves on this earth :)

I know it probably doesn't feel like it right now, but things will get better. For all of us who have been in similar positions, it is so so hard to recognise and remember than when you feel so low, but they will. You are so worthy of this life and things will get better.
 
Hi Eve, sorry you are feeling this. It’s such a difficult ‘Journey’. I try to refer to ‘Journey’ as then I am on some sort of path and I sort of aknowledge that there are highs and extreme lows. The highs even just slightly are worth it and so are you. I am also feeling like it’s all too much and struggling to go on at the moment. Let’s try get through this together. Huge hugs if you will accept.
 
Been in that dark place too Eve. The silver lining is that you reached out which means you still have hope and faith that better days are ahead....it might even be tomorrow or the next day, or maybe next week.

Those are the days that are worth the fight to stick around for and they will and do come.
 
But not you. You encouraged me to live fabulously like Katherine Hepburn. You made me feel accepted. Maybe you are unable to see 'something to show for your age', but I do.

That is lovely and made me smile :-)

I've noticed your (Eve's) posts and noted her unique take on things...and obvious intelligence. Its amazing how we can't see ourselves and its so much easier for others.

Something to "show for your age"....that comes so loaded with expectation...especially in the US. As I've gotten older I realize its hogwash....and the rest of the world does not necessarily play by our "rules". On the bright side....I think we have options at all stages of life and freedoms here in the US unlike other places.

I sort of aknowledge that there are highs and extreme lows

This is true....I remember a quote once that struck me... it said "Let it be awful, let it be wonderful, but let it be uncommon…….."

Well, I can now say I've lived that....and done the "awful" part and yet it seems the wonderful is just now blooming and every bit as intense. I intend to stay on this part of the curve and I genuinely think it is possible.

Deep breathes for now and shake the "expectation" part....the only expectation is to life a happy life whatever form that takes for you. Its there, closer than you may imagine.

Park walk(s)....set in the grass and watch the world. Stare at the clouds. Cry. Write.

Best thing I ever made myself do and such a small thing but it greased the wheels and the crank slowly turned.

Thinking of you!

Whirlwind
 
Hey!

just saw this --- how are you doing?
Go back and reread all the response to your post. See how amazing we think you are, how many of us have been in that same dark place, how hard it can be to go on - but it's worth it. You are valuable! You say you have nothing to show for it -- but look at the work you are doing here -- with the people on this site. Do you really think they don't believe you have done anything fabulous? You help people in their fight to stay alive -- and you help them see there is hope - that they are not alone.

Only in your 30s? And yet you have accomplished so much more than others will do in their entire lives.....
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top