FauxLiz
Sponsor
A couple of years ago I relocated across the state and as a result I had to terminate my long term relationship with my T of four years. One of the primary reasons though not the only was that my insurance was changing and he didn't accept my new insurance. The other major reason was distance. At the time he did not offer teletherapy and the 400 mile round trip was not conducive to in person sessions.
But a few things have changed. Beginning in August my insurance is changing to a company that he accepts and the pandemic has required that he add teletherapy to his practice. This has resulted in me struggling with a desire to see if he would take me back on as a client.
It is not that I am particularly unhappy with my current T, we have made good progress in the last two years but my attachment to my former T remains even after two years. There are pros to returning to my former T which include the acceptance and comfort that I feel with him. The work we did in that time took me from a point of constant SI and SH through 3 acute hospitalizations to a point where I have been more stable and functioning than I had been in a couple of decades. He was the first person in my life that model a positive relationship with boundaries but at the same time greater support than I had ever in my life. I never believed I deserved someone to treat me that well. The negatives (cons) to returning to my former T include what I have recognized as an unconscious desire to retain his support and acceptance certain topics surrounding my traumas I would not bring up or otherwise avoided because I didn't want the relationship to change, didn't want to take the chance that things I told him would change his opinion of me or how he interacted with me.
My current T we have done a lot of CPT therapy which meant really discussing and talking about my traumas in a way I never had before. We have done good work both in person and via teletherapy but that level of comfort and acceptance doesn't exist. I think I can speak to him about things I couldn't in the past because if his opinion or the way we interact changes I am not invested in this T and would seek out a different T.
I had hoped to be relocating back to the area where I lived before the end of 2020 but that is looking less likely with all of the COVID issues. I could really use some insight from others about whether or not I should approach my former T and see if he would take me back as a client knowing that it would be relegated to teletherapy for the unknown future even after the pandemic or do I stay with my current T and try to talk through with him the struggle and desire to return to my former T and why I don't feel the connection to my current T?
But a few things have changed. Beginning in August my insurance is changing to a company that he accepts and the pandemic has required that he add teletherapy to his practice. This has resulted in me struggling with a desire to see if he would take me back on as a client.
It is not that I am particularly unhappy with my current T, we have made good progress in the last two years but my attachment to my former T remains even after two years. There are pros to returning to my former T which include the acceptance and comfort that I feel with him. The work we did in that time took me from a point of constant SI and SH through 3 acute hospitalizations to a point where I have been more stable and functioning than I had been in a couple of decades. He was the first person in my life that model a positive relationship with boundaries but at the same time greater support than I had ever in my life. I never believed I deserved someone to treat me that well. The negatives (cons) to returning to my former T include what I have recognized as an unconscious desire to retain his support and acceptance certain topics surrounding my traumas I would not bring up or otherwise avoided because I didn't want the relationship to change, didn't want to take the chance that things I told him would change his opinion of me or how he interacted with me.
My current T we have done a lot of CPT therapy which meant really discussing and talking about my traumas in a way I never had before. We have done good work both in person and via teletherapy but that level of comfort and acceptance doesn't exist. I think I can speak to him about things I couldn't in the past because if his opinion or the way we interact changes I am not invested in this T and would seek out a different T.
I had hoped to be relocating back to the area where I lived before the end of 2020 but that is looking less likely with all of the COVID issues. I could really use some insight from others about whether or not I should approach my former T and see if he would take me back as a client knowing that it would be relegated to teletherapy for the unknown future even after the pandemic or do I stay with my current T and try to talk through with him the struggle and desire to return to my former T and why I don't feel the connection to my current T?