Struggling With Life Stuff Reminding Me of Psychosis

EveHarrington

MyPTSD Pro
That was a shitty title.

I had psychosis during a suicide attempt a few years ago. Yeah, that was hell. Anyway, when people do things which are akin to mindf*ckery ie similar to gaslighting, my brain goes crazy and I disregulate.

This likely sounds hella dumb to everyone but I assure you I’m struggling.

I’m going to be vague for privacy reasons.

I’ve known this person my whole life. They’ve always made a HUGE deal out of supporting and being involved in XYZ cause. Ok, no big deal, that’s her thing. So along comes me and notifies her about something related, and the instant response is that I’m lying and perpetuating urban legends. Only, I’m not, not in the least. Hell, I provided her with links regarding the actual government legislation regarding this issue, even before she accused me of spreading lies. Like, hello, how am I lying when there is current active legislation regarding this issue and it was literally in the legislature just a few days ago?! I sent video about testimony! But, I digress.

So, like, how the hell do you make this advocacy a huge part of your life and then turn around and call me a liar when I come to you to tell you about an issue in this realm that *should* be of concern to you, that is if you’re not a big fat phoney?

But wait, you just outed yourself as a big fat phoney. Nice try with the attempts to turn this around on me and call me a liar when I have resources GALORE to back up what I’m saying.

So the tldr of this is that someone I have literally known since birth has shown herself to not only NOT be who she claims to be, but has also twisted the narrative as to make me feel like a liar by accusing me of spreading lies. I have the proof that this is real, and I’m not spreading rumors, but my dissociative brain doesn’t care about that.

And no, I’m not talking about inconsequential legislation. It’s a serious matter, which is part of why this is distressing to me.

So the person is gone. That’s a no brainer. We weren’t close so it’s not a huge deal or anything.

I’m just really struggling here because these kind of mind games where people twist the narrative to make me doubt the truth feels SO MUCH like psychosis (and the aftermath) to me.

This dissociation is different to me. It’s not my normal “cloud” dissociation. This is the kind of dissociation that pushes me into the realm of doubting reality, and questioning what is real.

I’m just looking for anything that could help. I’m trying to remind myself that I have proof of what’s real, but it’s not fixing the issue.

Thanks.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
Gaslighting by someone you have known for so long is a total mindf*CK.

My mum does that to me. Tells me things never happened, when they did. Or tells versions of stories as if what happened was really really funny, as opposed to abusive or not funny.
It's very hard to cling on to 'what is real', in the face of that and I struggle with that too.

My T helps me. Because she unpicks things with me.
I think, essentially, it is putting you in control of things rather than handing over the power of determining the truth to someone else. If that makes sense?

Maybe reminding yourself about what you know. And believing yourself.

And taking a step back from that person sounds a great idea.
 

Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
The man that sexually abused me at college was a narcissist. And he gaslight me. They never accept any responsibility for their actions. They're never in the wrong. It's a horrible feeling and drives you (us) crazy, how ironic! I'm sorry for what your experiencing. You know the truth.
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
what you are describing sounds more like my obsessive thought loops than dissociation. to my senses, that fog is a defining trait of dissociation. when somebody pushes my "political buttons" (for lack of a better term) and i can't quit obsessing over the yaddahs of whatever blahs have been triggered, i need an entirely different tool set than i need for dissociation.

am i on the right track?
for my recovery nickel, knowing what i am dealing with is the harder part of the equation. the right answers to the wrong questions seldom gets me far.
 

Defaultxlove

MyPTSD Pro
Ugh. Sounds really uncomfortable. I really like how you're taking your time to identify what is what. I hope you can find ways to relax and regain a steadier, more cohesive focus. You definitely deserve and might need rest. I recently was shockingly surprised by a 15 year long friend, who completely blindsided me with some fascination with MY HUSBAND. Easy to let that person move on. But the physical symptoms of something like that thru ptsd feels, is a LOT. Try and take it as easy as you can. One step at a time. Hope this helps.
 

Nevermore

MyPTSD Pro
Ugh I relate to this post. I have those feelings too when others gaslight me or try to manipulate me, like my head goes crazy and I can’t trust anything or anyone. It’s a kind of desperate panic.
I think you did well to get her out of your life.
Who needs friends you can’t trust? And esp with ptsd, I feel trust is so so important. Necessary really!
 
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