Sufferer Struggling with slow therapy progress

crob529

New Here
Hi everyone, or whoever will actually read this,

So I have c-ptsd from parental neglect and from growing up gay in a small town during the 80s and 90s, where I was told it was wrong to be who I was and spent the first 18 years of my life keeping it hidden. The shame I felt prompted me to seek acceptance in some pretty dangerous places. Abusive relationships, substances, strangers. Not long after running away from home after coming out, I spent an evening being raped by more men than I could keep count of. After that, I tried to give up on being gay and spent about 8 years in a relationship where I was berated nearly daily for being queer. After that ended and I realized I wasn’t safe even in an opposite-sex relationship, I tried a same-sex one again. 7 years and many broken bones later, I escaped that one.

Basically, my whole life has been trauma. But it’s been getting better. I spent about 2 1/2 years avoiding sex and relationships after escaping that last one and it helped me to begin healing and to recognize the patterns/cycles I was stuck in. Started seeing someone last spring and realized I was also just burying a lot of it. Floodgates opening typa deal. We talked for months before I agreed to meet him in person because I was terrified to. Anyway, once we finally did meet, I realized I couldn’t navigate it all on my own. Been in therapy that is focused pretty much entirely on my ptsd since August now. It’s helping but not as much or as quickly as I’d hoped. Still struggling a lot, especially in this new relationship, and looking for help with that is how I stumbled across this place.
 
Last edited by a moderator:

Sideways

Moderator
Welcome to the forum, sorry you have reason to be here.

Therapy is a long journey, but definitely it's helped by having a supportive crowd around you. Hope this place provides that sense of community and belonging for you.

Mod Note:
I've removed your TW. We don't use them here, since every single thread has the potential to contain distressing content. You can read more about our approach in our Community Constitution and if you have any questions, feel free to hit us up at Contact Us which is accessible at the bottom of every page.
 

Actualise

Learning
@crob529 be kind to yourself. You deserve it. And definitely after all that. You sound like a person of value that doesn’t know their full value.
Just concentrate on working on the actual therapy instead of of being outside of it and assessing and hand wringing at its progress. That might make it go faster.
It’s depends on the person, issue, timing and therapist but EMDR can really nudge things along I think. Best avoid fixing on it sorting things in 8-10 sessions though..
Welcome 🤗
 

ladee

MyPTSD Pro
Welcome, glad you found us. One thing you get here will be gentle reminders that this journey takes a lot of time. We never want to hear that much less do it. But people are here for you that understand wanting things to get better NOW.

Hope we can help. Glad you are here.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
Welcome! I started my therapy thinking 6-8 sessions of talking a bit about rape and a bit about my mum, and then off I would pop all fixed and living my best life.
However, two years later....still in therapy....

So sorry: it is a slow, frustrating, two steps forward/one step back process.
But, whilst that sucks, what is amazing is the little steps forward or those light bulb moments where you can feel the pain healing and the possibilities for you now.

Be as kind to yourself as possible during this (so easy to say,so hard to do). It's not you that is making slow progress, it's the process that is slow.
 

Gatha

Learning
Hi crob529. I'm new here :) I'm writing my introduction and came across your post. I could copy and paste most of it as my own. I'd just need to add a psychopathic dentist and a exploding liver to mine :( I'll keep an eye open for your posts. Just finding someone you'd like to have a relationship with is tricky as a gay man (yep I said the gay man thing!), let alone making it a good relationship.. and I haven't even dropped the PTSD bomb yet! Have you talked about it to him or are you just trying your best to be a normal ?
 
Top