Welcome to the forum. Im sure you will find many that are feeling the same as you, both in present and in past. Just hold on regarding any harm. I know how it feels to be in that very dark hole. I am still struggling to believe in a positive future. I got past the feelings of self harm and I thought I was a lost cause just a few years ago. Keep communicating here and it really does help. Do you have a therapist? If you dont, please explore getting one. I promise, there are always positives in the future.