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ED Struggling with unintentional food restriction, disordered eating. Ideas needed.

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@Abstract I journal pretty much everyday but not specifically about my emotions. Generally that is because in all honest I struggle with recognizing and naming emotions.

@Simply Simon I am beginning to wonder if food is going to be my ultimate downfall. Those tummy tamers sound great and I may give them a try but I am really not a fan of peppermint but its got to be better than living life on zofran, imodiom and bentyl every day.
 
Hi Fauxliz,
I found specifically making myself acknowledge what I felt all the time was one small part of what helped me before. I was absolutely appalling at connecting to mine or knowing what they were and still need to stay on top of this. Have you done any DBT or other work on emotions?

I actually think its almost unusual to find people who don't have IBS issues but have had a long ED history. To some extent or other that is.

Those peppermint capsules are definitely a help. The slow release ones don't taste like anything at all. To me anyway.
 
@Abstract I have done some DBT work while inpatient and have considered getting a workbook for at home but I have never been through an organized full DBT series, unlikely to happen any time soon either unless I can find one on line. I am struggling trying to find something but on a positive note I brought a box of chewy granola bars to work and made a daily appointment on my calendar to eat at least one for breakfast every day.
 
I sympathise with not being able to do groups @FauxLiz I have done all my DBT myself. Books, research, online support and online information. Like a lot of my recovery. Everyones situation is unique but I personally found expressing things all the time in other ways (even when I thought I didnt need it) was one of the things that helped. Learning what those emotions were? Huge project and one of the most rewarding ones I have worked on. And am still working on. ? It seems even years later one cant take ones eye off the ball. I have a public self of sorts and have found making sure the real self is expressed somewhere is important.
 
@Abstract I completely understand the online recovery process. Emotions though right now I feel as though I am back to square one. Since starting with this new T I have shut down and numbed out again entirely. I hadn't eaten in two days and I knew I needed to do something so to be honest I reached out to my son last night at college and asked if he wanted to meet me in a town three hours from me and one hour from him under the guise of getting him things that he had forgotten at my house knowing we would go out to eat. We did so at least I had supper, bought him some things he needed, got him the things he had forgotten and best of all I got to see him and get a hug. It really helped.
 
So sorry @FauxLiz
I'm realising we sometimes have to backwards before we go forewards again. Very glad you reached out to your son and ate something. Can you put some structure in now? Commitment to times and what you will eat? I find trying to stop the numbing down is a little like getting out of a solid dissociation state. I have to concentrate on moving something just a little even if its my little finger. Then go on from that. It sounds like you need connection. Is there none accessible in the new place?
 
Well today was not a good day, its been 10 days since I had a therapy session and each day I get more anxious so today was a binge day. Now I sit here feeling uncomfortable and hating myself as always.
 
@FauxLiz damn but you have a lot on your plate right now. New job, new house move (and another?) AND a new therapist (and psydoc?) Holy moly but no wonder you’re using some coping mechanisms that were once helpful but now not so much. These parts of you that are feeling conflicted and in crisis are just doing the best they can. I know how hard it is to be compassionate to oneself (yep, pot, kettle, black here) but I wonder if you can try to cut them some slack and embrace them.
 
I know its really easy to say this but if you have been eating so little its probably normal healthy survival impulses that are urging you to binge. You need food. Your brain does and your body does. So sorry about the anxiety. Any further ideas and movement to get additional support for you? Can you try to eat more regularly? What about supplement drinks?
 
@Abstract you are probably right about it being normal survival impulse. I am working on getting additional support and trying to get connected with a nutritionist. I set an alarm on my phone for three meals a day, I brought granola bars, protein bars and frozen meals to work so there wouldn't be a lot of effort required but honestly, the alarm goes off, I turn it off and generally just continue what I am doing I know I need to get better but in my head meal breaks are a luxury I don't think I can afford I have to prove myself to my staff and bosses that I am more dedicated, I am capable and I know what I am doing. I have to be first to office most days and last to leave.
 
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