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Discussion in 'Assault' started by Rumors, Feb 14, 2018.

  1. Rumors

    Rumors I'm a VIP

    I was physically assaulted a while back. I haven't discussed it. I told my therapist about it recently and she offered to come with me to my court appearance as support. Part of me wants her to be there, but part of me realizes I likely will be a wreck and not fit to be around anyone. It brings up old history for me... the assault makes me so aware of how quickly things can go wrong and how out of control we really are. I have tried desperately to make the assault its own singular event and not let it get mixed up with history. As the court date draws closer it is harder... I am really trying not to dramatize things and make them larger than they really are.
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  3. NoWhereKnowWhere

    NoWhereKnowWhere There is a light and it never goes out. Donated

    That sound so stressful and all round shit.

    Have you thought about saying to your T to be there but don’t talk to me afterwards unless I approach you.

    Or schedule something before or after whatever you need. Meet with your t before and go to court alone.

    I understand trying to compartmentalise this trauma from others I do that too. And maybe that’s what needs to be done at the moment until the court case is over. But eventually you’re probably going to have to look at it and your trauma history as a whole.

    If you can please take gentle care of yourself I’m so sorry you’ve been put through this.
    freebird, Freida, Sweetleaf and 2 others like this.
  4. Sweetleaf

    Sweetleaf Was Tibergrace

    Court appearances can be really hard - I got through my restraining order hearing with the help of a copious amount of valium. I didn't have my therapist there, but the judge was very patient and understanding. They deal with this stuff a lot.

    I hope it goes well for you.

    What helped me was writing things out beforehand, for me to say in court. Having a sort of "script" might be helpful for you, so you don't have to think so much, and can just read for your main statements about what happened, etc.
  5. EveHarrington

    EveHarrington _______ in progress. Premium Member

    Is it a matter of not being dramatic, or is it minimizing?

  6. Rumors

    Rumors I'm a VIP

    Thank you for your response. I am not good at asking for what I need. It is awkward. This is just a ripple effect of many things I am beginning to face and it makes me so aware of how much content there is to cover and how much work I have to do. In my world being invisible and not a burden is how I usually survive. I convince myself in between appointments that I will walk in and my t will finally tell me "this is too much you need to find someone else." And it seems as if I always have shit going on... chaos type shit. I keep a lot to myself but what I do eek out makes me want to throw up. Now this... I am sure I will be fine but I have to punish myself in the process....as compared to what happened yesterday in Florida at the school shootings, I have nothing to complain about... praying for those families.

    Thank you for your response. A script to read from and study beforehand might be helpful. Even if I have to sit there in the courtroom and read it before I testify.

    I don't know. Maybe I am minimizing... I grew up in a household whose mantra was "Stop your crying or I will give you something to cry about." I guess I feel as a whole it wasn't the worst assault case ever nor does it compare to some of the things that happened when I was younger therefore I need to suck it up, go to court, and move on. And I don't want to allow what happened to get mixed in with other stuff and bring it all to the surface. I don't know... I literally have stuffed it away after it happened. It was like it happened to someone else...now not so much.
  7. Friday

    Friday Raise Hell Moderator

    I would definitely take her up on her offer, having unexpectedly had that opportunity in the past.

    Bolded... TBH, that’s what makes having her there a great choice, if she’s any good as a therapist. She’s not anyone, she’s a professional, and she specializes in being a wreck. You won’t have to put on a show for her, or keep your mask up, or explain why you’re XYZ. Same token, needing to keep my mask up for others, becomes indescribably easier when I have someone else that I’m able to be completely honest with, and groks what mask I’m using, why, and the cost of it. Whether it’s being professional when I want to be anything but, or not letting people have the satisfaction of seeing how much they hurt me when I’m raging inside, or whatever. She’s any good at what she does and she’ll get it without a single word said AND help you be who you need to be / do what you need to do whilst in court AND deal with the fallout.

    My experience was that having a therapist with me at court was very much like having a lawyer with me in court. Invaluable.

    You figure out how to do that? You let me know, hear?

    Conversely, if you aren’t able to do that? It makes it a great talking point / processing point. The differences between then & now leading to a greater understanding of both then and now.
    Mee and Freida like this.
  8. Rumors

    Rumors I'm a VIP

    struggling from the fallout from the recent weeks. It has brought back all kinds of memories... ugh. Really not in a great place with it all.
    Ronin likes this.
  9. Ronin

    Ronin Dark Wings Premium Member

    How can we help and has anything changed since you last posted, @Rumors?
    freebird likes this.
  10. Rumors

    Rumors I'm a VIP

    Thank you for checking... yes, lots has changed. The assault itself wasn't terrible however it was the catalyst that stirred everything up where I was about to explode. I was able to do a lot of emergency work and make some headway on some pretty tough stuff. I have some more to go but at least I feel some relief from some pretty heavy stuff. It is really thoughtful of you to check in @Ronin. I sincerely appreciate that.
    freebird, somerandomguy and Ronin like this.
  11. shimmerz

    shimmerz My silence spoke a thousand words you never heard Premium Member

    I don't think anyone expects anything out of you in that kind of a situation, @Rumors.

    I had crazy court stuff go on for years. If I even had a niggling of a feeling for the need of someone to accompany me, I accepted the offers and it was just so very comforting.
    Rumors and freebird like this.
  12. Rumors

    Rumors I'm a VIP

    Lol. It is self inflicted need for control. Just shaking the old habits is hard. In my household we weren't allowed to ask for help or not be total control all the time regardless of the situation. That was the expectation.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 23, 2018 at 2:50 PM
    shimmerz likes this.
  13. shimmerz

    shimmerz My silence spoke a thousand words you never heard Premium Member

    Cool that we get to make our own choices now, isn't it?
    Rumors likes this.
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