ms spock

I am really struggling. I have been ignoring the SI for some time now. I am finding it hard to stop crying today but I do and I will go and do some stuff.

I am so ashamed to be struggling this hard.

I am so reactive and upset. I have been listening to David Burns podcasts and those are good. It helped when David Burns said one of his clients got very upset and angry and he did the disarming technique and empathy and that brought them closer. My psychiatrist mocked me on something that really, really upset me and doesn't seem to understand how much this hurts me. It really derailed me. But she bulk bills and I am not able to work at the moment.

I should have been reading the David Burns more.

What is so wrong with me? I have tried so hard but I am still struggling so much.

The new book by David Burns is really good but I am struggling to even read at the moment. I am so down.

And I miss my family. It's irreconcilable, it's so sad.

I am in freeze mode. I don't know what to do.

I have been putting ice packs on the back of my neck.

I got punched in the face at a special school last year and then worked at a terrible school which I quit from. I lost a lot of confidence, then I worked with the crazy and dysfunctional women and quit due to racism, transphobia and disability discrimination.

I have felt so ashamed of my feelings and behaving weirdly with folks I have cut off from everyone since last November.

ms spock

So I am out of this now, which is good. I did do some TV binge watching and a small amount of comfort eating. I did work it out for myself which is really good. I am doing so much better.
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ms spock

So this was a 9 day depressive episode which is a huge improvement for me. My goal is now to improve on this.


You are really going through it! Sometimes our struggle is do hard. It's hard to imagine anyone else is going through anything similar, let alone many people.

I am glad you found some relief. Hang in there. It does get better.

I groped in utter darkness with no breaks for 6 entire merciless years. Then relief finally came. I'm glad I held on.

One of the things that helped me was hearing that other people made it through. I figured that if they could then so must I. There is no reason that my suffering should be special! I haven't done anything to deserve more ruthless suffering than the next person!

Neither have you.

Hang in there!

Invisible Fire

Sorry to hear you were having a rough time. My therapist has told me that part of my goal is to have more good days than bad. I think that is a great goal to improve on. I have read some of David Burns book. A lot of good information.

ms spock

Thanks @woodsy1 knowing that you are not alone does help, and I am glad that you find David Burns useful as well @Invisible Fire I have been watching his podcasts, and also seeing him on YouTube and I booked into a couple of his courses as well. I really need to get on top of this now. I listened to over 6 hours of him yesterday and I did all the written exercises suggested as well. I am highly motivated.
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ms spock

I am indeed @Invisible Fire. I am going to break the back of this with TEAM CBT. I am going to do the exposure, any courses, study, listen to or read any books, do any written exercises.