M
Mothra
My abusivw parents have used coercion, manipulation and guilt tripping to keep me in contact with them. I am 19 and have been in and out of their house since I was 17. Been being abused (neglected, dismissed/ignored, belittled, bullied, parentified, blamed, gaslit, etc etc etc) by them since I was an infant. Was beaten horribly by them and my grandparents during early childhood as well. Presumably there was some sexual abuse but I don’t have a solid grasp on my memories so not sure.
Growing up in an African house in a White upstate NY suburb, I was very isolated culturally and didn’t know that anything was wrong until I met stable people with normal, healthy and loving relationships with their parents. I was filled with rage and vengefulness for years until I chose complacency (fawning) as a way to survive. Eveutlaly I could not do it any more and fell deep into a catatonic, death-like depression. Recently I have been all over the place mentally. I just hate myself and I need help to get better but I’m scaring my loved ones. Constant flashbacks and I don’t know what to do.
I’m living in a barn with a close friend. I am jobless and helplessly disregulated. My friends can’t support me because they’re not trauma informed, and I don’t value myself enough to ask them for the support I need. I’ve tried to but I know if I am overreacting to the way they treat me, or if it’s actually not too much to ask to want friends who take the time to learn and soothe my triggers alongside me.
My parents call and text me constantly and force me to spend time with them. If I say I don’t want to, they “punish” me by “asking” for money that I do not have, later charging interest and claiming that I owe it to them (even though they posed the question as optional). I am now over $300 in debt to my mother and I don’t even have the money to feed myself at this point.
I am so unstable and it’s ruining my life. I need to go no contact but I don’t know how. They haven’t hit me in years so the authorities arent doing shut for me. and since I’m 19 I technically have the agency to just block them. But they will show up at my place. They will call a mental health check. They will call me delusional ajs suicidal and a danger to myself and others and I will never be free. I called a domestic violence advocate and have an appointment with her tomorrow but I’m still feeling worried. Does anyone have advice?
Growing up in an African house in a White upstate NY suburb, I was very isolated culturally and didn’t know that anything was wrong until I met stable people with normal, healthy and loving relationships with their parents. I was filled with rage and vengefulness for years until I chose complacency (fawning) as a way to survive. Eveutlaly I could not do it any more and fell deep into a catatonic, death-like depression. Recently I have been all over the place mentally. I just hate myself and I need help to get better but I’m scaring my loved ones. Constant flashbacks and I don’t know what to do.
I’m living in a barn with a close friend. I am jobless and helplessly disregulated. My friends can’t support me because they’re not trauma informed, and I don’t value myself enough to ask them for the support I need. I’ve tried to but I know if I am overreacting to the way they treat me, or if it’s actually not too much to ask to want friends who take the time to learn and soothe my triggers alongside me.
My parents call and text me constantly and force me to spend time with them. If I say I don’t want to, they “punish” me by “asking” for money that I do not have, later charging interest and claiming that I owe it to them (even though they posed the question as optional). I am now over $300 in debt to my mother and I don’t even have the money to feed myself at this point.
I am so unstable and it’s ruining my life. I need to go no contact but I don’t know how. They haven’t hit me in years so the authorities arent doing shut for me. and since I’m 19 I technically have the agency to just block them. But they will show up at my place. They will call a mental health check. They will call me delusional ajs suicidal and a danger to myself and others and I will never be free. I called a domestic violence advocate and have an appointment with her tomorrow but I’m still feeling worried. Does anyone have advice?
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