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Stuckness in Therapy

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I have been in various types of therapy for a number of years for childhood trauma and have been with my current T since the beginning of the year. I like her a lot, she has a very gentle and understanding approach.

Last week was a particularly difficult session where we talked as we nearly always do on feeling stuck and the defence mechanisms and barriers I instinctively use. They have always been there and have prevented any real break throughs with T. I want to be able to open up more to her and am really keen to make some progress but I seem to be forever getting in my own way.

We have spoken on this between us and she often asks what I need or what will help but I just don’t know what would move things forward. A part of me is desperate to engage but a stronger part is always keeping the distance.

I find the intensity of being in the room and so much focus on me very difficult. It is hard to speak about myself as it feels that the judgement and shame that will follow will be unbearable, I feel forever needing to protect myself from that.

Does anyone have any tips of anything she or I can do to move things forward? I so want to get past this point.
 
Sometimes I'll take an oblique run at "stuckness"... if I'm stymied in one area... I'll do goal setting and meet or achieve other areas where I think/feel/perceive I'm feeling similarly... stuck. Builds confidence and sometimes there's some subtle shifts in the doing/accomplishing that will give me enough "oomph" to take a harder run at what I really want to unstick.
 
It is hard to speak about myself as it feels that the judgement and shame that will follow will be unbearable
I struggle with this too. For me I started with something smaller to see how therapist reacted. I still struggle with this though. Sometimes I email him so he has time to absorb it first (it makes me feel safer from any potential judgement. That being said I still struggle with it now. However to a much lesser degree.
 
I struggle with this too. For me I started with something smaller

It felt like we were starting small. She was asking how those close to me would describe me. I explained that there was no way to know for sure what people really think. She tried to reassure me that it didn’t need to be ‘right’ but I just could go there. It’s too hard to imagine that people would think of me kindly and too dangerous to share with her any potential aspects in case she mocks me with them or uses then against me in some way. It feels like the shame would overflow.
 
My guess is that what you think people think of you tells her more of what you think of yourself. I understand your fear. If she does mock you, she’s not a good therapist and I can’t imagine she would. Maybe just start small, with something that wouldn’t bother you too much if she did react badly. Then when she doesn’t react badly, trust her with a little more.

It does take time. I saw my therapist for about a year the first time we worked together and I never told him about my childhood abuse. I’ve slowly trusted him with more and more. He has yet to mock or judge me.

It’s a matter of slowly letting your therapist earn your trust and accepting that it doesn’t happen over night
 
I have been in various types of therapy for a number of years for childhood trauma and have been with my current T since the beginning of the year. I like her a lot, she has a very gentle and understanding approach.

Last week was a particularly difficult session where we talked as we nearly always do on feeling stuck and the defence mechanisms and barriers I instinctively use. They have always been there and have prevented any real break throughs with T. I want to be able to open up more to her and am really keen to make some progress but I seem to be forever getting in my own way.

We have spoken on this between us and she often asks what I need or what will help but I just don’t know what would move things forward. A part of me is desperate to engage but a stronger part is always keeping the distance.

I find the intensity of being in the room and so much focus on me very difficult. It is hard to speak about myself as it feels that the judgement and shame that will follow will be unbearable, I feel forever needing to protect myself from that.

Does anyone have any tips of anything she or I can do to move things forward? I so want to get past this point.
I would suggest letting your guard down and to allow yourself to be completely honest with your therapist. About what's happened and how you feel about those situations.

Don't forget, counsellors and therapists are trained to not be shocked by what you say. It is meant to be a safe place for you to exorcise your demons.
Another thing is that when you disclose very personal things to a therapist then they trust you more because of your honesty. It strengthens the bond and relationship. Have faith in the process.

All the best to you. S3.
 
I've had the same problems with previous T's and it's excruciating!

With my current T I asked if it would be ok for me to email her some stuff to talk about in session, she was fine with that, so now, during the week if anything comes to mind that I'd like to be able to talk about it it down in a password protected notebook on my phone. Then the night before T I send whatever from those notes I'd like her to read.

It helps me enormously I must say. I asked that she not reply to any of my emails, to save me from being anxious about what or if she might respond.

And I know from personal experience it's a shot tonne easier to bring things up in written communication than it is face to face.

It's allowed me to gently get past calming up in T and just sitting there silently.

Hope you find something that helps for you :)

Maybe have a brainstorm session here? Think about what it is you find difficult, or what you would like to achieve, and anything that might make that a bit easier for you?

Like would it be easier if you had a cushion to hug, or sat side by side instead of face to face, or anything really, bringing your knitting with you or something. Best x
 
I find talking about 'stuff' very challenging. I can't say it's just the fear of fallout, as I don't get that far, necessarily. It's the present fear- ~'clear and present danger'.

I don't think there's any point (for me) to disclose without feedback. I probably did that to my dog, growing up, and though it was a good thing then, I feel pitiful and wrong to do it now. Most often I feel, this/ I am stupid, I "shouldn't". Just 'me', though.
 
Thank you @berlinda I would like to find a way to write things down with her. It is something I have done in the past but can’t seem to get to fit with this T.

@Tinyflame, yes that all really resonates and maybe why it has been hard it the past as when I did disclose in T it wasn’t really met with anything. It certainly wasn’t negative but it also wasn’t really much. We did speak last week about previous T’s. maybe it need to feed into her that I need some feedback. Also it feels very much the same for me, something instinctive shuts me off far before logical thought. That’s the bit I need to interact with.
 
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