Stupid question about what to expect from therapy

[wisteria]

You'd think this was my first rodeo with therapy but it's not....yet it might as well be! I had my third session with a new therapist today and.......am I supposed to know what to talk about? Just go in and talk about my issues? Obviously that wasn't an issue with the first intake appt, and then with the second I had some more stuff I wanted to add, but today I just drew a blank. Actually, I have that problem a lot- I immediately shut down as soon as therapy starts- I guess I should mention that. But regardless of that, I find it hard to spontaneously just talk about stuff. I feel like I'm supposed to have an agenda but I don't. I guess I was thinking he'd have more questions for me but that certainly didn't seem to be the case. There seemed to be a lot of awkward silence as we looked at each other. In general I like the guy, I'm just kinda feeling like I'm doing something wrong.

 

[somerandomguy]

Not a stupid question at all. But maybe not any really good answers.

When I don't know what to say when I'm in therapy, sometimes I'll talk about what I'm feeling. You could also talk about the fact that you really don't know what to say.

 

[arfie]

i see it a highly intelligent question, wisteria. my first formal therapy appointments and peer group meetings in 1972 and i still ask it to this day, whether i am talking to a pro or a peer. over the course of pondering the question, i have decided that it is okay to not know. if i **knew** what to expect, i wouldn't need therapy. honoring my ignorance makes me more open to the healing mysteries and the human help which is being offered.

finding comfort with my ignorance is the first step toward learning a better way.

 

[Sues]

When I don't know what to talk about, my therapist is really good at asking questions to prompt me. I've never felt like I needed to come up with something to talk about.

 

[Friday]

1. Are they a trauma specialist?

2. Have you asked them to work out a treatment plan, with you? <<< If not? Do! Both because it’s useful, and because it gives you the jumping off point of walking in and asking “So, what are we working on right now/ today.

 

[Movingforward10]

It's prob totally understandable not to know how to start this or what to say or how to say it. This is new for you with this therapist. This is also new for this therapist with you, but they have their training and they have new clients all the time. We don't have new therapists all the time.

It's perfectly ok to say what you have here to your T.

Your T can then guide you, and take the reigns a little until you feel more comfortable doing that.

After two years, I still need guiding by my T sometimes, if it's a new topic and I say to her I need her to take the lead. It's ok.

 

[Survivor3]

Someone said to me once about therapy, "it's just a conversation ". Sometimes I'm talking about serious important issues or about me or things about other people or we talk about music or the weather. If I stop talking/hit a blank or stare into space my counselor realises and takes the lead.

 

[Paula]

You'd think this was my first rodeo with therapy but it's not....yet it might as well be! I had my third session with a new therapist today and.......am I supposed to know what to talk about? Just go in and talk about my issues? Obviously that wasn't an issue with the first intake appt, and then with the second I had some more stuff I wanted to add, but today I just drew a blank. Actually, I have that problem a lot- I immediately shut down as soon as therapy starts- I guess I should mention that. But regardless of that, I find it hard to spontaneously just talk about stuff. I feel like I'm supposed to have an agenda but I don't. I guess I was thinking he'd have more questions for me but that certainly didn't seem to be the case. There seemed to be a lot of awkward silence as we looked at each other. In general I like the guy, I'm just kinda feeling like I'm doing something wrong.

Everybody goes through not know what to talk about. I went on line to find help. I found a therapist who took all of the letters of the alphabet and one by one went through it started with A to Z. I started to write down subjects to write about. ( like A for anger). I brought it in to my therapist and told him to pick a topic. In that material are clues to what I need to talk about. I keep referring him back to that list ,although he hasn't completely clued himself in yet, he is getting there. I have in therapy for 3 .5 yrs. I am doing EMDR and although it's extremely tough,it works if one has the right therapist and the client is willing.

 

[wisteria]

It's prob totally understandable not to know how to start this or what to say or how to say it. This is new for you with this therapist. This is also new for this therapist with you, but they have their training and they have new clients all the time. We don't have new therapists all the time.

LOL, I love this- that they have new clients all the time but we don't have new therapists all the time!

Thanks everyone for the reassurances that it's okay not to know what to say! And for all your input in general! I appreciate it

 

[Mach123]

My therapist wings it which pisses me off. I attract this kind of person or create them might be a better way to say it. She’s part of the pattern too at the end of the day.

But there is no continuity except by familiarity. But I’m not in a very good mood right now lol.

 

[wisteria]

My therapist wings it which pisses me off. I attract this kind of person or create them might be a better way to say it. She’s part of the pattern too at the end of the day.

But there is no continuity except by familiarity. But I’m not in a very good mood right now lol.

maybe they are not a good fit for you? how long have you been seeing them? I'm certainly not one to say anything tho- I change therapists like I change underwear. i really want this one to stick tho.

 

[Mach123]

She’s a good fit. I did the same thing you said, I couldn’t switch therapists again so, I walked in her office about 5 years ago and said, you’re it . This is going to stick.
It has, but it wouldn’t be therapy if it was easy. It’s got to be one of the most difficult relationships there is. I hope yours works out .