lavendercloud
New Here
I don't want to get super into the details at this time, but I have C-PTSD and was sexually and emotionally abused as a child. I am on a waitlist to see a new therapist, but I really need advice sooner.
More recently my husband was struggling with mental illness, as well as questioning his sexual orientation and gender. He had been repressing his bodily dysphoria for a long time and became unsure if he was actually sexually attracted to me, but still loved me. A lot of things happened and it hurt a lot. For both of us.
He is doing a lot better now and I am very happy for him. He is certain he is still attracted to me, and would like to have sex again. I would too, but I just can't. I've tried twice but started dissociating. I've been averse to sex generally and don't even want to be seen undressed. It's happened before but not for so long.
Obviously being told by your spouse they're maybe not attracted to you will hurt no matter how gentle they are about it. But I think when I was being abused I based all my self-worth on being sexually desirable because that was the only "positive" attention I got, or so I thought then. And while I intellectually I realize that whole saga was not a rejection or failure- lizard brain still registered it as such. And is afraid of it happening again. It's very viseral. He can literally be proposing we sex I am still so scared he is in denial and was never attracted to me and I am holding him back in a passionless marriage and on and on...
We have known each other for many years and have a healthy, communucative relationship. I have talked to him about all of this and he is understanding. But I still feel so pathetic. And I know it's affecting him too. I don't know.
More recently my husband was struggling with mental illness, as well as questioning his sexual orientation and gender. He had been repressing his bodily dysphoria for a long time and became unsure if he was actually sexually attracted to me, but still loved me. A lot of things happened and it hurt a lot. For both of us.
He is doing a lot better now and I am very happy for him. He is certain he is still attracted to me, and would like to have sex again. I would too, but I just can't. I've tried twice but started dissociating. I've been averse to sex generally and don't even want to be seen undressed. It's happened before but not for so long.
Obviously being told by your spouse they're maybe not attracted to you will hurt no matter how gentle they are about it. But I think when I was being abused I based all my self-worth on being sexually desirable because that was the only "positive" attention I got, or so I thought then. And while I intellectually I realize that whole saga was not a rejection or failure- lizard brain still registered it as such. And is afraid of it happening again. It's very viseral. He can literally be proposing we sex I am still so scared he is in denial and was never attracted to me and I am holding him back in a passionless marriage and on and on...
We have known each other for many years and have a healthy, communucative relationship. I have talked to him about all of this and he is understanding. But I still feel so pathetic. And I know it's affecting him too. I don't know.