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Relationship Sudden break up after suppressing trauma

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Hi all, I wanted to come on and tell my story just to try and get some perspective from people who are in similar situations or dealing with PTSD.

I met my partner 9 months ago, he'd been a police officer and left the force to start a new life in a different part of thr country and started an office job where i work. We met on his first day and instantly hit it off. Ive never felt attraction like it, and we seemed to tick so much of eachothers boxes.

We very quickly started dating and within 6 weeks he wanted to make things official with me. It felt so right i had no concern. He always seemed like a very sure of himself happy go lucky kind of guy. Very down to earth, great friends and family around him. After 5 months of being in a relationship, going on holiday, meeting eachother families, he moved into my home out of his own choice. He was keen to make it 'our' home, we often talked about plans, the future, buying a place together, we got a joint account, bought furniture together, booked holidays together. Everything was great.

Come month 8, hed had a few weeks of feeling under the weather. We'd planned a week off work together which we'd intended to go on holiday but never got anything booked so id made arrangements for us to go and visit my sister 6 hours away, which he agreed to. The day before, wed had a minor disagreement over something, when we got home from work hed said to me he was popping out for an hour, but then never came home. I text to find out what was going on and he just said he wasnt ready to talk about it and had things he needed to consider like how quickly things had happened, our difference in opinions and personalities and how he was feeling. It was all very sudden the day before he was still telling me he loved me etc. I went away to my sisters for 5 days to give him space and asked if we could talk when i returned. Hed gone to stay with his parents at this point but all his things were still at my house.

When he came to talk he was calm, collected and wanted to talk about ways to resolve him feeling stuck in a rut and not like himself. We discussed him koving back out and taking things slower to which he seemed open to at first but then freaked out that it wouldn't fix anything and he couldn't see himself getting past it. He decided to break up with me and packed up his things but was insistent this wasnt about me it was him. I was devistated and confused about why he suddenly felt like this out the blue.

The next day he came to retrieve the rest of his things and I asked him to come and talk about the financials about what wed bought, our account together etc. He wanted me to give him a figure and just to pay me off... I was baffled and got impatient with him and shouted about my confusion with him flipping like a coin when wed both put so much into the relationship. He then finally broke down...

He told me hed been keeping a massive secret. Hadn't told anyone. That when he was in the police force around 2 or 3 years ago hed been having a casual fling with another officer. He then met someone else who he formed a relationship with and when this officer found out she was angry so accused him of rape. He got dragged out of bed in the night and arrested. He got suspended from work. He lost his housing. He was living out of hotels for weeks going through trial. She continued to manipulate him and use it against him as evidence. He spent all his money on solicitors. It finally came to trial and she wouldnt drop the charges. The only reason he didnt go to prison was that she was found to be a compulsive liar and had done things like this in the past. She got sacked as a police officer. But he still has it on his record permanently. He had to go through 2 years of misconduct in the police. Other officers questioning if it was true or not and giving him a hard time at work. Even when it was eventually resolved he felt his only option was to leave his dream career behind and leave the police. Its effected him massively mentally and hes basically supressed it since hed met me and started over.

I listened. Cuddled. Supported him and told him i understood why he felt like he couldnt talk to me. I feel devistated for him that hes gone through that and is still dealing with it mentally but silently as hes too ashamed to talk to his friends and family about it.

Despite coming clean with me, and me now wanting to support and help him he just wants to cut me off. He wants to be alone. Hes cut contact with me, barely responds if i text him. Hardly comes into work and when he does he avoids and ignores me. At work everyone is asking me where he is. And commenting on how withdrawn he seems and not himself. His mum has messaged me to say hes just been keeping to himself and shutting himself away in his room.

Hes told me he wants to get himself help and has spoke to a doctor but i just feel absolutely helpless for him and devistated that hes ended such a good relationship seemingly as an avoidance tactic.

I dont know what triggered him or if it was just too much pressure that the relationship got serious and he was hiding it.

Currently trying to just give him the space he asked for, only texting back when he texts me now. I was originally sending check in texts to let him know i was here but he didnt respond. Its been 6 weeks and i so want him back and to support him but hes said he doesnt see us getting back together because he wants to be alone and doesnt want to hurt me anymore.

Has anyone got aby thoughts on the situation? Should i keep trying with him? Give up? Move on? Give him no contact?
Has he been evaluated and diagnosed?
He was told by the doctors they suspect depression or ptsd, but no formal diagnosis or seen a therapist yet to determine. He did see a counsellor when all this went on originally, but stopped when he left the police and started his new life.
I wouldn’t assume he has PTSD until he is diagnosed. PTSD is from a very specific kind of trauma, and even if something is horrible it doesn’t make it a Crit. A trauma. Even then, not everybody who experiences Crit. A trauma develops PTSD. Which is good news, because PTSD sucks and is difficult to treat.

At this point in time I’d grieve and come to peace with him being gone. It’s been 6 weeks and you only dated 8 months. If he isn’t willing to seek help for whatever he has going on he is not going to be a good partner.
I have PTSD, but I’m not speaking about things in a PTSD sense.

I advise taking relationships slowly in the future as even when everything “feels so right” you brain is running on hormones in the beginning and you haven’t had time to really get to know the other person to determine if it’s really a good idea to move in together or to mix your finances (experts say to hold off on mixing finances until marriage for legal reasons). Fortunately this time you didn’t lose your home or end up with devastated finances (or worse), but these are all very real possibilities of going too fast in a relationship and commingling your lives.
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