How did you manage to stop? Do you know the reason(s) behind the "running"? The thing is, when I try to suppress the impulse, I can't for too long. It just doesn't pass. It is there and wants to be lived so to speak.Yep. For several years I just ran with it. Order breakfast in a cafe, not even wait for it to arrive -or leave between one bite and the next- before I’ve stood up and am on a train. No plans to do so when I left that morning. Out of the city, the country, I never really knew. I just kept going until I felt like stopping, or found a reason to stop. I’ve left more apartments, flats, jobs, friends, lovers, lives behind me than I have any desire to sit down and count. And that was when I was doing marginally better than I had been, because I was willing/able to at least sorta/kinda have a life TO run away from.
It took me a long time to realize that Get out, get out NOW... or I’m done here... or f*ck this (3 very different thoughts/feelings) were all temporary things that would pass. Along with a lot of other things, that were also temporary, and would pass.
But I was very... feral... for a lot of years. My instincts said “Jump!” I didn’t ask how high, I was already in the air.