General Sufferer so weird around holidays

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paigelove

Anyone else notice their sufferer seems off around almost any holiday?

My combat PTSD vet invited me to a NYE wedding that got canceled due to covid. He said he still wanted to spend it with me, so we decided to go to a small get-together at a house instead. But then he bailed right before it, saying he didn't want to be on the road with drunk drivers and was also super exhausted. While I get those are valid reasons in general, he never said anything about feeling that way until right before so I wasn't fully buying what he was saying as being the sole reasons. I didn't really say much about it to him since I'm trying to be understanding of his situation, but if I'm honest, it did feel like I was getting the brush off, and it stings.
 

Sweetpea76

Moderator
Holidays are stressful, loud, and crowded. There are expectations. It’s overwhelming.

Also, a lot of combat vets have trauma anniversaries around the holidays. The insurgents loved to mess around on Christian holidays.
 
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paigelove

Good to know I'm not the only one! Why even make plans in the first place then rather than just sit it out from the get-go?
 

CatalystB75

New Here
Anyone else notice their sufferer seems off around almost any holiday?

My combat PTSD vet invited me to a NYE wedding that got canceled due to covid. He said he still wanted to spend it with me, so we decided to go to a small get-together at a house instead. But then he bailed right before it, saying he didn't want to be on the road with drunk drivers and was also super exhausted. While I get those are valid reasons in general, he never said anything about feeling that way until right before so I wasn't fully buying what he was saying as being the sole reasons. I didn't really say much about it to him since I'm trying to be understanding of his situation, but if I'm honest, it did feel like I was getting the brush off, and it stings.
Sounds kinda like me... Every birthday, Easter, everything...... I'm guessing it's not personal. I don't think being open about with "him?" Is unreasonable. It may be just what they need..... Hasn't worked for me yet,, but I'm hopeful.
I'm new, hope this is ok.
 

CatalystB75

New Here
Yes... I understand..
I work on these patterns pretty hard.. some good days, some bad.
Point: your not alone... Neither of you...
Good vibes to you..
 

Sweetpea76

Moderator
After a decade of this mess I’ve just learned to have “Plan A” and “Plan B”. If he wants to participate he can. If not, he isn’t ruining my holiday. I’m still going to enjoy myself and the holidays as much as possible, even if he can’t.

I get the frustration though. It’s flakey as hell when your plans come crashing down constantly. Yes, there is a valid excuse, but still.

This is one of those things you’re either OK with, or you move on from the relationship. They may never be able to do holidays or social occasions.
 
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paigelove

Yeah, I've come to realize that while plans can be made, whether or not he'll actually follow through is a roll of the dice. What do you say to people who ask where he is?
 

CatalystB75

New Here
I don't have a good response, it's a lifelong thing it seems.
However... I've had a few really good experiences,, when I've been comfortable enough to come out of my shell...
I feel there will be more good to come.
At times it seems to be a co-dependancy type thing,,, good times seem only possible when I'm with someone I truly trust.... Makes it a bit easier to let go and live...
Patience. And persistence?? Idk.

I really appreciate this chat, I'm working hard on myself. I'm understanding more.
 
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