Supporter Sufferer & Supporter seeking advice/support with husband who refuses to seek help.

Kro2022

New Here
Hi I am new. I am both a sufferer and supporter.

After 10 years of battling a life threatening illness both myself and my husband developed PTSD. I am receiving help for mine but my husband refuses.

I do not know how to support him, he has also developed depression and an alcohol problem. I feel like I live with a stranger and have to walk on egg shells because I never know the mood he will be in. He can flip a switch in a split second and go from being fine one second and raging at me in the next. He has also developed severe social anxiety but yet he hides everything and pretends he is ok. He is angry, self-righteous, disrespectful to me, rude, and often cruel. As a result I often say terrible things to him because I feel hurt all the time and I tell him he is an asshole and that he is mean. It feels like he intentionally tries to hurt my feelings everyday. He tells me he doesn’t care about anything except our dogs, and tonight after another huge argument, he told me he hates me.
I contemplate a divorce weekly but am terrified to be alone and to leave him when he is hurting. He often throws it in my face that he was there by my side when I got sick and that I took everything from him. He blames me for not helping him and he tells me I am useless but he won’t accept help from anyone. He refuses to tell a doctor, he refuses counselling, he won’t tell his family or friends what is going on, he won’t read books or articles yet he blames me for not helping him. He threatens suicide but says if I tell anyone he will just disappear and no one will ever see or hear from him again.
I know he is hurting and needs help but how do I help him when he refuses everything I suggest? I am at a loss as to what to do. I think about leaving but I know somewhere beneath all the hurt and ptsd is the man I loved and how can I leave when he needs help? I feel so alone and afraid and I can’t tell anyone in my life what really goes on behind closed doors and the turmoil I am living in.

I looked for an online support contact number for advice on what to do but there is nothing I could find.

I know our relationship is toxic right now and maybe there is no saving our marriage but how do I help someone who is basically screaming that they need help, yet won’t accept any?

Please if anyone has been through something even remotely similar….advise me.
 
Last edited by a moderator:

ladee

MyPTSD Pro
First of all, welcome to the forum. I hope you find resources and support here for YOU. Because he many need help, but he doesn't want help. Such hard lessons for all of us when we love someone and they refuse help is to find out we can only take care of ourselves.

I hope you make yourself priority and take care of YOU.
 

drlight12

New Here
Hi I am new. I am both a sufferer and supporter.

After 10 years of battling a life threatening illness both myself and my husband developed PTSD. I am receiving help for mine but my husband refuses.

I do not know how to support him, he has also developed depression and an alcohol problem. I feel like I live with a stranger and have to walk on egg shells because I never know the mood he will be in. He can flip a switch in a split second and go from being fine one second and raging at me in the next. He has also developed severe social anxiety but yet he hides everything and pretends he is ok. He is angry, self-righteous, disrespectful to me, rude, and often cruel. As a result I often say terrible things to him because I feel hurt all the time and I tell him he is an asshole and that he is mean. It feels like he intentionally tries to hurt my feelings everyday. He tells me he doesn’t care about anything except our dogs, and tonight after another huge argument, he told me he hates me.
I contemplate a divorce weekly but am terrified to be alone and to leave him when he is hurting. He often throws it in my face that he was there by my side when I got sick and that I took everything from him. He blames me for not helping him and he tells me I am useless but he won’t accept help from anyone. He refuses to tell a doctor, he refuses counselling, he won’t tell his family or friends what is going on, he won’t read books or articles yet he blames me for not helping him. He threatens suicide but says if I tell anyone he will just disappear and no one will ever see or hear from him again.
I know he is hurting and needs help but how do I help him when he refuses everything I suggest? I am at a loss as to what to do. I think about leaving but I know somewhere beneath all the hurt and ptsd is the man I loved and how can I leave when he needs help? I feel so alone and afraid and I can’t tell anyone in my life what really goes on behind closed doors and the turmoil I am living in.

I looked for an online support contact number for advice on what to do but there is nothing I could find.

I know our relationship is toxic right now and maybe there is no saving our marriage but how do I help someone who is basically screaming that they need help, yet won’t accept any?

Please if anyone has been through something even remotely similar….advise me.
Hi,
I am new to this site. My husband has complex PTSD from an unloving childhood and time served as a first responder. I wish I had some strong, beautiful words to help you or your spouse but I don’t. I do understand what you are going through, your situation sounds very similar to mine. We are having trouble finding the right combination of medication and therapy to make my husband feel better. The outbursts are daily and mean and I’m trying to be understanding, but am in the brink of burnout. So I respond sometimes with yelling and my own hurtful words. I know it’s not right, but I’m suffering too and with limited to no help. Anyway, I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone and I’m sorry that you are going through this too.
 
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