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Message: <blockquote data-quote="sadchick" data-source="post: 1788113" data-attributes="member: 51772"><p>Hi, My name is Lauren and I'm on here to try out some options I have towards sites like this. I'm coming to the end of intense treatment I go to during the day and work as much as I can. My ptsd symptoms come out during work but it has been getting better each shift. From my BPD, I am scared of myself and what I will do in a manic episode or when my mood changes; because it does quite frequently throughout the day. I am scared about what my life will look like from here on, though I am in control of how it will go; radical acceptance is hard to do. Especially when you've experienced abuse all your life and one of your most frightening horrific nightmares you had as a child comes true in early adulthood. I'm 22 years old, and I think all I've known is pain and rejection and invalidation. I have no idea who I am, but I know that at times when my addict brain talks and my BPD is in full effect; I won't think twice about doing something to self destruct or have instant gratification. I'm now in my own hell, and the path out of hell is through misery and this misery feels as if it will never end.</p></blockquote><p></p>